Ally’s Thoughts: When you are your worst enemy! Pt.1

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Hi fellow friends! How is your weekend? I would like to take this opportunity to wish all the Muslims around the world, Happy Eid Mubarak! Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri! Maaf zahir dan batin! (wishes in Malaysia/Brunei/Indonesia/Singapore)

Reflection in a teacup asked me in Twitter if I have any blog post related on how to overcome negativity or worrisome thoughts. I don’t think I have anything posted specifically about that matter. So, I will share you my thoughts about it.

I want to share my thoughts about negative thinking. There was a time in my life, when I have Cherophobia. It is a phobia that will make you scared of happiness because you will know something bad will happen. I had that phobia when I was thirteen until I was nineteen.

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How does it feel? The moment feels like you just enjoyed yourself among your friends, having the best time of your life but soon after that… something bad happened! It happened again and again. It was not an empty assumption or the fear of uncertainty. It was certain for me whenever I did something nice on myself, something bad follows. Either I would hit my toes, stepped on something, getting scold for no reasons, someone picked up a fight with me, depression and frustration. It happened frequently and obviously it will lead my brain to think that… “No! I can’t be happy! Being happy will made my life miserable more.”

What I didn’t know that, I am just justifying the things happening to me with something that I could not control. I can control myself in being happy but I can’t control something that is not from me. For example, someone else personality. How can I control the overflowing source of frustration that came from my surrounding? I can’t! There is nothing I can do about it… That is what I thought.

So what this had to do with negative thinking? In my opinion, everyone has a different type of negativity that hinders them. It developed within someone through their life based on what they have experienced. Some of them maybe had a trauma, low self esteem, too timid, bad recurring experiences and perhaps more contributing factors. Me for example has been experiencing recurring bad events that made me scared of being happy.

I do have friends that they think that there can be no better things in life for them. Some of them believes that certain things are too intimidating. Some of them can’t handle too much attention. Some of them can’t handle pressure and made them overthink that made simple issue turned out to be too big to handle.

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Perhaps you still remember how stressful and intimidating exams was when you were younger. Perhaps you still feel it that way. The fear of failing and getting low scores are the usual thoughts that lingers inside your mind… before the exam starts until you finished the exams.

If that doesn’t intimidating us enough, we started to feel anxious and overthinking about almost everything! How? How did I managed to bring myself out of this nightmare? How did I survived? How did I reached here and be someone who I am now?

My big boss said, life is all about the journey and destination came in second. For example, the journey to the nearest convenience store can be more satisfying compared to the moment we reached the store. Perhaps, we saw something that we have never seen before and we might learned a thing or two.

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Throughout my life, I learned a lot. From the simplest things to the most complicated things ever. I bet, you guys have experienced it as well. BUT, what made us different is how we take it and learned from it. Some may just see it as an error, a fault, a mistake that can never be undone. Some may see it as a burden and  problem without taking any interest in utilizing it. Some may see it as a waste of time because it doesn’t return them with any benefits whatsoever.

Ever since I was in secondary school (that would be 13 y/o to 17 y/o) I always ended up in a situation where I don’t have any choice but to do it. When I was 16, I was the chairman for Red Crescent Society in school. In my school, Red Crescent Society is not something popular and no one really interested in anything. I was chosen mainly because of seniority and somehow I didn’t really decline, so I went on with it.

Over the two years of being a chairman, I learned a lot! Being the introvert I am, I need to push myself and be someone that I never expected to be. I learned to deal with people, I learned how to face humiliation, I learned how to be stern when I need to and I learned how to put up a straight face when I have to deal with difficulties. For me the best thing I learned is about giving you all the best and handle your expectations.

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Then, I went to college. I had to deal more tough things and to be honest, I don’t think I can handle. Somehow I survived! I was the president for my course in my senior year and I had to deal with a lot of annoying stuff. The members, the lecturers and the management too. Then, came to the relationship part which I don’t want to talk here because that would be unnecessary.

After those long winded 900 words composition, I will point out the major points on how to overcome negative thoughts in the second part (which will be shorter! Hopefully!)

Read part two here.

 

 

 

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12 thoughts on “Ally’s Thoughts: When you are your worst enemy! Pt.1

  1. I didnt realise it was an actual phobia to be scared of happiness! for me its more im scared to lose the happiness and things will go wrong again. College is the worst for causing worry but this is a great blog post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing your story, Ally. I’m familiar with that phobia and I think many of us, more than what we’d like to admit, understand that phobia to some extent. From my perspective, it seems like you’ve overcome a lot 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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