I couldn’t rest myself. My mind keep wondering about her. My curiosity feels like an endless hunger that can’t be satisfied easily. The phrase ‘I want to know’ repeats over and over again inside my head. I can’t suppress it because the urge is stronger than my will to fight it. It came uninvited and I just let it in.
I decided to just stalk her. First in Facebook, scrolling through her news feed one by one. I feel shocked as I saw a post with picture of her with someone else. A guy. Who is he? Her boyfriend? No, that is not impossible, she is single. A friend? Why you guys are too close? More than friend perhaps? I couldn’t control my mind that keeps spouting vicious assumptions.
Then I read the comments. It feels like thousand of arrows pierced my body endlessly. It hurts so much that it numb. It hurts so much that I can’t feel the pain except this aching heart. Why? Why? Why? You are supposed to be mine? You should be mine! No! You are mine!
Is it because you are just a friend? Is it because I don’t confess? Am I not good enough? You don’t see me as a company? You don’t see me as someone close? Are you blind? Calm down. Calm down. I need to calm down so I can think what should I do next. The more comments I read, it just burn my fury more. Calm down, I told myself.
I know what I should do for now. Ignore this type of post. Let me stalk something else of you. Oh lovely. Her picture, alone with no one else. You look so lovely and sweet, especially with that wonderful smile. I can’t stop falling in love. I am so attracted to you now. You are the only one I need.
I want you. I want you! I want you so much! I just want to spend myself with you all day, forever and ever! The thoughts filled my head and driving me insane. It showed me happiness. True happiness!