Ally’s Thoughts: The Void to Fill

Image from: The Cinematic Katzenjammer

I recently re-watched the movie Her (2013). I did wrote about it in 2017. You can read it here: Ally’s Thoughts: Her (2013).

While watching it, I can’t help to think about myself. Three years ago, it feels different. I was much more optimistic and ‘energetic’. However, it hits differently now.

To have hope and passion can really drive someone forward. They move on to create something for themselves even if it is to the unknown.

Yet, it feels different now. The void that I thought I moved on from has returned. I know it will never disappeared but at least the void in me should be filled even a little.

Somehow, it is not. The void is like a wound starts to bleed again. It hurts but empty at the same time. It feels impossible to mend it or heal it.

I keep asking myself. What went wrong?

This is so ridiculous. Is it because how 2020 has been treating people? How it has been affecting me?

Is it because I lie to myself too much? Is it regret? Is it disappointment? I can’t tell. I am more confused now more than ever. It has been years. Why it still hurts so much?

The depth of this void me is endless. I don’t think it can be filled at all. This is honestly, too much.

2 thoughts on “Ally’s Thoughts: The Void to Fill

  1. We all have our difficult times, Ally. Even when we think we’ve done enough to make ourselves feel better. Even when we’ve created all that we could create, we can’t always be perfectly happy. If that was so, then some people in the world might not feel that void – that darkness that might wrap itself around them. Don’t give up. It’s all too much and I understand that but we can always be better. We can always set new goals. We can always push ourselves into something new. I’ve had years of hard times, losing family members and friends to never see again, losing important people, failing at what I thought was most important, not being good enough, not creating hard enough but in the end, you’ll eventually realize, it was like a test. You can’t study for it and I wish we could but you can pass. Anyone can pass. No one’s grade is perfect but you can absolutely try your hardest and that’s all you need.

    Liked by 1 person

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