Today I finally watched Cinderella (2015). I had it on my drive for years but I never had the urge to watch it thoroughly.
The movie was good and what I like the most in the movie are the costumes! The costumes are just colorful and detailed. It was fun watching too. Usually I’ll bring out a theme of the movie and talk about it right? Well same goes to this post too.
The theme is royals and commoners relationship. They have standard and expectations when it comes to royal marriages. That is in the movie. We are facing the same thing as well. Maybe not in terms of status and wealth but in term of perfection.
We are expected to find the perfect partner in life. In some culture, if a man to find a wife, the wife is expected to do all the household chores. All here means everything! However, modern culture slowly changed that perception and expectation. In some household men are not the only breadwinner but also the female. Some husbands do help with chores and some of them handled it better.
But, what is my point here?
My point is, I don’t want to find my perfect partner in life because I believe everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. I believe if we mirror ourselves, we will find our own imperfections. Then, how am I supposed to find the perfect partner? Then, don’t!
I am looking for my own fairy tale princess. You know how we treated the figure of ‘fairy tale princesses’? Beautiful, magical and perfect ending. The truth is, that is impossible right? Then, how can I find my own fairy tale princess? If I found someone in my life that I would given my all, isn’t that enough? Even she is not the perfect person in the world, doesn’t mean she is not perfect for me. Even she is not a real princess, doesn’t mean she has no throne in my heart.
My definition of fairy tale princess, is someone who has bravery and kindness (Cinderella reference). As long she is willing to accept me and believe in me. She is willing to face the world together with me. She give me all her best. I will treat her better and give me all my best. It doesn’t matter if she is a commoner because I will treat her as a princess. Later on, she will be the queen of my life and my children.
That is my definition of fairy tale princess. She may not be beautiful but she is beautiful enough in my eyes. She may not be the brightest but she is the brightest in my life. She may not be the one others would consider because of her imperfections. Trust me, you are a perfection and they are fools for not seeing it in you.
However, the hardest part in my case would be… to find my princess. To find my Cinderella. I am no Prince too. Somehow, I am holding my glass shoe but I can’t find the person who fits. That is the struggle and that is the journey I am yet to find the ending. As I tried to see if ones fit the shoe has been a long and tiring journey. The journey took a toll on my body and soul.
As I wrote the paragraph above, I somehow made this post a little bit too personal on the next one which I deleted and replace with this current paragraph. Sorry, I got carried away.
What do I need to keep on?
If Cinderella believes in the phrase ‘have courage and be kind’, then I wish to add one more. Believes in hope. When we have no motivation to keep on going, then all we have is hope to rely on. When we no longer have hope in life, we have nothing to hold onto.
“Tell me… You have found me with great hardship and countless of adventures… I will grant you a wish. What do you desired most?” said the Djinn.
“Yes. I have traveled far. Seas to seas. Continents to continents. Cities to cities. In order to find someone who can grant me my wish. O Djinn, I desired death. Grant me death! For I do not belong in this world.”
The Djinn looked confused and puzzled.
“Why would you desired death? You look young. You look strong and reliable. You look perfectly healthy,” the Djinn asked.
“O Djinn, I may look young, strong, reliable and healthy. Those are just physical appearances. No one knows the burden I carried. No one knows how my hopes were crushed. No one knows my disappointments. No one was there when I need them. No one understand how hard I tried to stay.”
“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about your family?” asked the Djinn.
“I have long left them. They don’t need me. They may take good care of me but that is not what I want. I hate them. Ever since I was small. They doesn’t understand how I feel. They ruined my childhood. They fed me negativity. I carried the burden alone and I am just a burden to them. I should have died younger when I had the chance. But still, here I am. Living and breathing. I should have died when I was a little baby but I am here still alive. They left me alone…”
“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about your friends?” asked the Djinn.
“Friends? I am here alone. I cried alone. I was left alone. When I need them, they left me. When I gave them my attention, they betrayed me. When I spend my time for them, they took me for granted. When I screamed for help… None came except to pass by and gave me a cold look. I believe in them but they did not trust me…”
“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about your lover” asked the Djinn.
“Hahaha. Lover? They left me when I need them the most. They left me in the dark. They took back the promises they made to me. They wound me and gave me scars. I gave my all. I tried my best. I never gave up on them. I keep the hope in me burning but they gave me to the cold wind.”
“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about your faith?” asked the Djinn.
“I believe in my faith. I know that I will damned to hell for eternity if I made this wish. The people around me doesn’t have the same level of faith. They lost their faith. They do not trust their God. They disobeyed their God. If I am the only one left, let me just joined them. Or at least, let me leave them.”
“This is my last question. Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about yourself?” asked the Djinn.
“I gave up. Every time I believe there was a spark of hope in my heart. It ended up as just a spark. Every time I gave myself a chance. The chance never came. Every time I let myself open. I ended up letting the wrong person in. Not to mention the stupidity and the sins I have committed. I am tired of trying. I am tired of believing. I am tired of hoping. I am tired of breathing. I am tired crying alone when I wished someone would believe in me and accept me in their life. I am tired finding the reason to hold this life. I am tired… of everything.”
“Then, let me grant your wish. However, I am a Djinn and not your Grim Reaper. I will left you with this dagger. Take it and take your own life. It is your choice. If you do not. It is your choice. To live or to die, it is your choice.” The Djin made a dagger magically appeared and put the dagger in front of him.
“Why can’t you just grant my wish and let me die without pain? Aren’t you a Djinn who grant wishes?”
“I am a Djinn, yes but I am not your Grim Reaper. Let you be your own.”