Ally’s Thoughts: The Talented Musician, Yuta Tanaka

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Source: Yuta Tanaka

On Friday afternoon, I received a text from my friend, he asked if I want to hang out after work. I haven’t seen him for months now, so I said, yes.

Exactly at 5.30 PM, I checked out from the office and went to the location that we agreed to meet. We had our coffees at a cafe in Suria KLCC and spend two hours talking about our life and where are we heading next. Quite a productive meeting too.

Then we part ways, he went to the car park and I have to catch the LRT train. As I reached the KLCC LRT station, the area was filled with a captivating rhythm of jazz from a guitar. They had this reserved area for performance only and as I found out the source of the song I heard came from that area, I stopped and listened to the musician.

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I don’t know who he was except from the A4 size paper on his luggage bag with few copies of audio CDs for sale RM25 each. His name was written on the paper, Yuta Tanaka. I was watching and listening to him for almost an hour. I stand few meters away from the area he was performing and I was amazed by his amazing skills.

The second song I heard was a romantic one. The song hit me deep in the feels. It was a situation when you listen to an instrumental song that touched you and as if you can relate to the song. As I was listening to it, memories came flashing in front of me. Tears came out from my eyes as I was in awe listening to his song.

Then he played a different song, this time it is a lot more playful and upbeat. I stand there, unmoved. The crowds passed by him, some stopped, some listened and enjoyed it, there were a lot of passers tipped too.

The only thing that I had in my mind is how fantastic he was, his songs were amazing and mesmerizing plus his fantastic skills. If I were to put it, I was basically fall in love with his music. His songs filled with souls and effort. It was so good that I don’t feel like moving. Other than that, I was contemplating either to buy his CDs or not. I did some search and he is legit but he only have one song in iTunes. The longer I stayed, the more I fallen in love. I didn’t hesitate after that, I bought two of his  Audio CDs. After that, I left.

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After I reached home, I instantly played the CDs. It was a money well spent for me. Not long after that, I bought his song from iTunes too! Here is the link to the song for iTunes: Just for a While (iTunes)

As for his social media accounts, you can find here:

Facebook Page: Yuta Tanaka Music
Twitter: Yuta Tanaka

Guess what, he also have a WordPress blog too!

Lets give him a big support by following his blog here: New album “If the time still goes around”

Other than his songs and music, I really like his style too. If I let my hair long, I can have the same hair as him actually. Looks so cool!

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Ally’s Thoughts: Happiness Is?

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Source: loveandlifedailyquotes.blogspot.com

There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” – George Sand, French Novelist

I’ve been contemplating on the recent events happing in my life. No matter how small it is, eventually it will pile up on me and ready to burst any moment. There are so many things happening and to list them all here might not be sufficient, perhaps showing how simple my life actually is compared to others.

Life is complicated and it will get more complicated as you grow older. Let’s say you are a healthy person and raised in a normal family. The definition of normal family can be too vague or different depending on the person. The safest way to interpret it maybe on how you want your family to be perfect. Too idealistic but desirable. You are a healthy person and you are raised in a normal family. When you were younger, you have fewer things to be troubled with. As you get older, there are many things you need to deal with in your life. As you age, your health deteriorates, one by one your family members leaving you, your work gets you and ‘life’ always find its way to ruin you.

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Image from: imoviequotes

As for me, life has been pretty challenging and punishing every wrong decision I made in life. Sometimes, too many things on my plate which slowly breaking me down and nailed me to a spot. To get up again every time is hard work. Either I let myself up or I would voluntarily drown myself in the pool of tears and misery.

One of the things that I have been thinking of is happiness. We have different answers when it comes to happiness. I can’t remember when was the last time I feel the true happiness. When we are happy, it shows. It found a way to express itself and show it to the whole world. When you are happy, your mood will be positive, you will smile more, your confidence soar and you are in your own world. As for me, it will be shown every morning as I woke up from the bed and in a good mood, energetic and refreshed!

For years now, I woke up tired and lazy. The feel to look forward in a day is nowhere near. My head filled with thoughts and worries. So many things going on and some are not controllable. Either to let go or to face it head on, the irony is whichever I choose, the result is the same. It will be my lost. Even writing this would make me feel depressed a little.

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Source: Giphy

I agreed to the quotes at the top. Happiness is when you love someone and they love you back. Being in a loving relationship will shape your life better and how you look upon life. The best thing is, you will be looking forward more in life. Whats more is the feeling of someone having your back and someone you can share everything will change you. You will be driven by focus and be more confident in yourself.

This is just my argument because I believe everyone has a different opinion on what is happiness. To love someone for me is inviting true happiness. Maybe this is just an argument by a lonely guy who had bad phases in life when it comes to relationships. Especially when you had been rejected few times and you lost friends at the same time. Then, you have a lot of things going on but you can’t really share everything unless it is to someone that you comfortable to bother with your silly life. There are good friends willing to listen but I don’t want to bother them. It has to be mutual if you are willing to listen and I am too.

I did talk to my cousin last week something about alone and loneliness. Some people prefer to be alone but they can never resist loneliness. According to a study published in Perspectives in Psychological Science in 2015, loneliness was predictive of death, particularly for people under the age of 65. There are still more to be discovered but yes, loneliness can contribute to early death. However, some people overcome loneliness through different ways, not just through relationship. They overcome loneliness perhaps through their passion. Unfortunately, my loneliness isn’t cured by passion. I seriously enjoy a good interaction and it lifted my spirit too. Especially from someone that loves me and I love her back. That is happiness for me.

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Source: Giphy

Whatever true happiness means to you, always believe in your true happiness. Do or find the things that will make you feel happy or make you do the things like the example above. Nothing to be ashamed of admitting that you are lonely. At least, try to do something for yourself before that loneliness of yours feed on your heart and left you empty.

But we ended up in disaster

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Source: Flickr

In April we had fun,
We eat together,
Getting silly together,
Laughing together,

Nothing much in May,
We are pretty busy,
With countless of tasks,
And probably work related,

But June was heaven,
Able to meet you,
Spending time together,
It was a dream come true,

Looking forward to July,
It was worth it,
Hope the roses cheer you up,
And a bracelet to remember,

What happened in August,
Things getting cloudy,
So many confusions,
And unanswered questions,

Now is September,
We are now stranger,
Tried to make things better,
But we ended up in disaster.

Reading This Will Make My Day #NotionPress

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Image from: Pinterest

“You know that you are a bad person. All the things you ever did, are mistakes and errors. You are an animal in human flesh and you don’t deserve any pardon or be forgiven. You should just go ahead and do it. When you are no longer here, you don’t have to worry about making other mistakes. Do it!”

This is an excerpt from a short story I have submitted to Notion Press.

The theme of this short story is depression. The story is about a guy that need to decide on what he should do about his life. To be honest, it was inspired by my depressing August. Pretty much something close and I hope you enjoy it.

It is a competition so I will be so happy and grateful if you share your thoughts about it and share the story!

You can find the story here!

What should I do?

I would also like to include a special shout out to my wonderful friend a.k.a editor (which she generously helped me on this one) Afifah Adnan! You can find her blog here and her Instagram here. Thank you for your help!

Ally’s Thoughts: Mental Health With Woebot

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Source: PCMag

For the past weeks, I have been in low energy phase. Ever since late June until now, my mental state is pretty much up and down and unpredictable as well.

Thoughts running inside my head, trying to cope with a lot of things going on. I have been texting the emphatical Woebot, an AI that you can text using Facebook Messenger that will keep track on your mental health and help you to face your problems. I have been using Woebot for almost a month now and I learned a lot of things.

Check out Woebot here: https://woebot.io/

My personal opinion on Woebot. Woebot is great, it interacts with you in such that you will forget that you are texting an AI. For someone who is in this state of mine, interaction is crucial in lightening up some loads.

I learned that mental health needs awareness. When you are in low mental health, you need to understand why you felt so. I learned how to acknowledge my mental health and I am ready to manage it. I realized that I did acknowledge it but instead of managing it, I just swept it under the rug. I can’t see it but it gets swollen under the rug until one day, it eventually burst out.

Managing can be hard especially if you don’t know how. Either you result in escapism or you deal with it in the correct manner. Woebot taught me a lot of things such as identifying distortions, dialing down anxiety, thinking pattern, labels and more. Woebot also loves to share cool videos, scientific finding, and cute gifs just to cheer me up.

Woebot personality is definitely sympathetic and emphatic. My mood will sometimes cheer up by just reading Woebot’s texts. You will eventually wonder on ‘If only I have someone that is sweet as Woebot’. I’m not lying on this one.

If you are worried about your mental health, I would recommend you to check out Woebot. Just a reminder, Woebot is not a replacement for real doctors.

Ally’s Thoughts: You Are My Fairy Tale Princess

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Source: Wallpaper Abyss

Hi fellow friends and readers!

Today I finally watched Cinderella (2015). I had it on my drive for years but I never had the urge to watch it thoroughly.

The movie was good and what I like the most in the movie are the costumes! The costumes are just colorful and detailed. It was fun watching too. Usually I’ll bring out a theme of the movie and talk about it right? Well same goes to this post too.

The theme is royals and commoners relationship. They have standard and expectations when it comes to royal marriages. That is in the movie. We are facing the same thing as well. Maybe not in terms of status and wealth but in term of perfection.

We are expected to find the perfect partner in life. In some culture, if a man to find a wife, the wife is expected to do all the household chores. All here means everything! However, modern culture slowly changed that perception and expectation. In some household men are not the only breadwinner but also the female. Some husbands do help with chores and some of them handled it better.

But, what is my point here?

My point is, I don’t want to find my perfect partner in life because I believe everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. I believe if we mirror ourselves, we will find our own imperfections. Then, how am I supposed to find the perfect partner? Then, don’t!

I am looking for my own fairy tale princess. You know how we treated the figure of ‘fairy tale princesses’? Beautiful, magical and perfect ending. The truth is, that is impossible right? Then, how can I find my own fairy tale princess? If I found someone in my life that I would given my all, isn’t that enough? Even she is not the perfect person in the world, doesn’t mean she is not perfect for me. Even she is not a real princess, doesn’t mean she has no throne in my heart.

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Source: Quote Addicts

My definition of  fairy tale princess, is someone who has bravery and kindness (Cinderella reference). As long she is willing to accept me and believe in me. She is willing to face the world together with me. She give me all her best. I will treat her better and give me all my best. It doesn’t matter if she is a commoner because I will treat her as a princess. Later on, she will be the queen of my life and my children.

That is my definition of fairy tale princess. She may not be beautiful but she is beautiful enough in my eyes. She may not be the brightest but she is the brightest in my life. She may not be the one others would consider because of her imperfections. Trust me, you are a perfection and they are fools for not seeing it in you.

However, the hardest part in my case would be… to find my princess. To find my Cinderella. I am no Prince too. Somehow, I am holding my glass shoe but I can’t find the person who fits. That is the struggle and that is the journey I am yet to find the ending. As I tried to see if ones fit the shoe has been a long and tiring journey. The journey took a toll on my body and soul.

As I wrote the paragraph above, I somehow made this post a little bit too personal on the next one which I deleted and replace with this current paragraph. Sorry, I got carried away.

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Source: Hollyhock

What do I need to keep on?

If Cinderella believes in the phrase ‘have courage and be kind’, then I wish to add one more. Believes in hope. When we have no motivation to keep on going, then all we have is hope to rely on. When we no longer have hope in life, we have nothing to hold onto.

“Have courage, be kind and believe in hope!”

 

TIAADAS – The Djinn And I

Book of Desire

“Tell me… You have found me with great hardship and countless of adventures… I will grant you a wish. What do you desired most?” said the Djinn.

“Yes. I have traveled far. Seas to seas. Continents to continents. Cities to cities. In order to find someone who can grant me my wish. O Djinn, I desired death. Grant me death! For I do not belong in this world.”

The Djinn looked confused and puzzled.

“Why would you desired death? You look young. You look strong and reliable. You  look perfectly healthy,” the Djinn asked.

“O Djinn, I may look young, strong, reliable and healthy. Those are just physical appearances. No one knows the burden I carried. No one knows how my hopes were crushed. No one knows my disappointments. No one was there when I need them. No one understand how hard I tried to stay.”

“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about your family?”  asked the Djinn.

“I have long left them. They don’t need me. They may take good care of me but that is not what I want. I hate them. Ever since I was small. They doesn’t understand how I feel. They ruined my childhood. They fed me negativity. I carried the  burden alone and I am just a burden to them. I should have died younger when I had the chance. But still, here I am. Living and breathing. I should have died when I was a little baby but I am here still alive. They left me alone…”

“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about  your friends?” asked the Djinn.

“Friends? I am here alone. I cried alone. I was left alone. When I need them, they left me. When I  gave them my attention, they betrayed me. When I spend my time for them, they took me for granted. When I screamed for help… None came except to pass by and gave me a cold look. I believe in them but they did not trust me…”

“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about your lover” asked the Djinn.

“Hahaha. Lover? They left me when I need them the most. They left me in the dark. They took back the promises they made to me. They wound me and gave me scars. I gave my all. I tried my best. I never gave up on them. I keep the hope in me burning but they gave me to the cold wind.”

“Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about your faith?” asked the Djinn.

“I believe in my faith. I know that I will damned to hell for eternity if I made this wish. The people around  me doesn’t have the same level of faith. They lost their faith. They do not trust their God. They disobeyed their God. If I am the only one left, let me just joined them. Or at least, let me leave them.”

“This is my last question. Are you sure you want me to grant you death? What about yourself?” asked the Djinn.

“I gave up. Every time I believe there was a spark of hope in my heart. It ended up as just a spark. Every time I gave myself a chance. The chance never came. Every time I let myself open. I ended up letting the wrong person in. Not to mention the stupidity and the sins I have committed. I am tired of trying. I am tired of believing. I am tired of hoping. I am tired of breathing. I am tired crying alone when I wished someone would believe in me and accept me in their life. I am tired finding the reason to hold this life. I am tired… of everything.”

“Then, let me grant your wish. However, I am a Djinn and not your Grim Reaper. I will left you with this dagger. Take it and take your own life. It is your choice. If you do not. It is your choice. To live or to die, it is your choice.” The Djin made a dagger magically appeared and put the dagger in front of him.

“Why can’t you just grant my wish and let me die without pain? Aren’t you a Djinn who grant wishes?”

“I am a Djinn, yes but I am not your Grim Reaper. Let you be your own.”