And forget


I couldn’t function today,
After a long weekend rest,
Now, I am in a meeting room,
As they are so engaged,
I am sitting here alone,
And my brain firing a signal non-stop,
To close my eyes and sleep,
And forget.

“Now, speak! Hush, silence!”

black and white black and white depressed depression
Photo by Kat Jayne on

I couldn’t write another word,
Even with thousands to tell in my head,
Torn between two borders that lies inside,
“Now, speak! Hush, silence!”

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The angels came down, giving me a gun.

angel art black and white clouds
Photo by Pixabay on

So many words in the dictionary,
But my words mostly are ordinary,
I can never do a commentary,
I am no wordsmith vocabulary,

Whenever I sit down, writing something,
My head spun, hurt, banged, and I got nothing,
No matter how long, I have been waiting,
Could not find the reason to keep fighting,

Each day passed, like a boulder on my back,
Every moment, I am losing my track,
Confused, like a puzzle I could not crack,
Feeling choked like anxiety attack,

Even after a rain, there is a sun,
Bathe the earth with warmth, filled with joy and fun,
But the shades stayed for me, I cannot run,
The angels came down, giving me a gun.

I keep asking myself

horror crime death psychopath
Photo by Tookapic on

I keep asking myself,
What holding me back?
Is it bravery?
Or am I scared?
So many escapes,
One over here and there,
Can’t it be anywhere?
I am overthinking,
When the path is easy,
Some just a leap away,
While others take a step,
A stab, a puff, a jab,
A momentary wings,
A mouthful of pills,
Where is my part,
No scars on my heart,

I am pitiful,
Playing the victim,
I am still young,
I can do many things,
Opportunities waiting,
Why age matters?
When the soul is old,
Weary and tired,
Pressured and swamped,
When I’m still here,
And I’m being selfish,

What do I have now?
One is a family,
Two is a girlfriend,
Three is a job,
Four is a life,
Four is a lie,
I feel lifeless,
Misery is borderless,
My mind is powerless,
Isn’t it obvious,
How one can suffer,
From his own mind,

Like a firework that blow in the sky.

I will stay so high if I don’t let go,
And I don’t know why, how I wish I know,
Was it the coffee? Or the Matcha tea?
And was it a dream, or my fantasy,

It’s just so silly, it was so crazy,
Yesterday maybe Cupid went lazy,
Now he went naughty, shot arrows at me,
Blood on my body, with my eyes dreamy,

Let me be this high, or else I will die,
Like a firework that blow in the sky.

Warming up my cold desire

Image from:

The rain is heavy,
I can see through the window,
I can hear the drumming thunders,
So many actions through one view,

The air is cold,
The aircond is freezing,
My brain is sub zero,
And my heart not reacting,

My eyes wide open,
But my vision grey blank,
I’m running my thoughts,
But the headache runs deeper,

This burning anger,
Warming up my cold desire.

Also the end of my dreams


Lately, I have been dreaming,
Dreams, specifically nightmares,
About work, people and wish,
Feeding me anxieties,
Stabbing me with depression,
And leaving me helplessly,

I have my own wish and dreams,
And it’s a destination,
One where I can fully rest,
And to feel disconnected,
That is a big win for me,
And never to be bothered,

Is that even possible?
Unless I no longer breath,
That will be the end of me,
Also the end of my dreams.

Except you drowning in misery

I am so afraid of tomorrow,
I couldn’t close my eyes tonight,
Too many expectations,
And feet chained down, I tried,
To look brave and right,
Only fears become the blanket of my night,

Few days are wasted,
My time now is busted,
As my lifeline is well counted,
With this knife calling me wanted,
Yet I breath knowing soon I will be delivered,

Oh Life, what you are to me,
Oh Life, what you’ve done to me,
Oh Life, how cruel can you be,
Oh Life, I don’t belong here,

Death whispered slowly,
Nothing good from here on,
Nothing to look forward on,
Except you drowning in misery.