Ally’s Thoughts: 2022 Malaysian General Election. Why do I vote?

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Hi friends and readers,

Today’s thought might not be for everyone because it involves my dearest country’s future, the general election. It is the 15th Malaysian general election after our Prime Minister dissolved the parliament.

Immediately after I reached the eligible age to vote, I registered myself as a voter. This was before the recent amendment for Undi18 which automatically registered people at the age of 18 as voters. Why did I register to vote? It is simply because of what was happening around the previous general election, the 2008 Malaysian general election. The countless rallies demanded change, political tsunamis, and the first female opposition leader. All these things made me think about what is going on, in Malaysia.

I’m curious.

I started to have the need to learn. Who are the politicians, which parties, what are the policies, and how does this country reach this point? The media was so disgusting at the time with its one-sided views plus numerous sex scandals during prime time news. Not to mention how the media keeps on painting the opposition as the devil that will disrupt the harmony and stability of this country. Where does all this unfairness and slander come from? Does this happen to other countries as well? Is this how politics should be? I have a lot of questions back then.

The most important step to take is to question. Then, I started to care. I learned to take interest in what’s going on in politics. I started to care about the national budget. I also started to care about national policy even though it doesn’t concern me much. I want to see progress. I saw that being independent for half a century and yet, racial discrimination is still strong. I grew up in the system, education system, yet, I don’t understand how things look so different in politics.

To be a voter.

With all those questions, curiosity, and realizations, I decided to be a voter. Ever since then, the upcoming 2022 Malaysian general election will be my third general election plus one by-election. While the game of politics can be an overwhelming one, especially for younger generations. Heck, even for me too. I believe what is the most important thing is to have something that you want for the country. I want stability but with progressive policies, I want to eradicate racial discrimination and biases by promoting a stronger bond of real unity, I want real planning with actions to tackle the climbing cost of living and improve Malaysia’s economy.

And lastly, I want to have leaders with high integrity and clear policies. I don’t want leaders that keep on badmouthing others, inciting racial discrimination, riding religious cards, and belittling the rakyat – citizens.

For those who wonder.

If you are wondering, should you vote? Who should I vote for? Everyone sucks here, I should not vote at all! Before I proceed, I would like to invite you to read about what made me a Malaysian below. When you have a solid foundation of what you are and a strong understanding of Malaysia, you will develop your own answer.

Back to the previous questions, voting is the basic thing that you can do for Malaysia. It is the bare minimum. If you ask what is the point if the candidate doesn’t look good at all? It is time for you to sit down and think about this carefully. You may think that your vote means nothing because you are just one person. However, you are not the only person having the same thoughts and ideas. There are other people facing the same dilemma as you. They are sitting on the fence and you are one of them. You will be surprised to find out that some candidates win and lose by a small margin

The next one is which one does align with your values. Some parties have different merit and narratives. If you understand your values, why not find out which parties are the closest to yours. At least, that is the basic thing to understand why you vote for someone or parties.

Finally, I understand that changes are scary. There are so many narratives frightening us if we welcome something new or something progressive. However, in some ways, the current conditions are not even better. Our economy doesn’t fare well, racism is obvious out in the open, ridiculous and uneducated remarks from so-called leaders, public infrastructure issues, and a lot more. If you don’t even feel the slightest frustration, I applaud you for not being affected. I know my life did.

So, if you are a registered voter. Go out there and do your duty. At least we still have this democracy and we still have the power to decide. Trust me, after a few times, even though the candidate I voted for lost, I learned to accept and respect the process. Endure and vote again next time.

Ally’s Thoughts: What made me a Malaysian?

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Hi friends and readers,

Recently, I worked with an NGO, and a question was asked that keeps on bothering me for months. What made me a Malaysian? The manager raised a couple of good points like the fragility of tying our nationality with food, and sports. I can’t help to agree. This is just my personal opinion and that is what “”Ally’s Thoughts” segment is all about.

I agree with his statement. Does being a Malaysian about having good food and good badminton players? Is it about having the tallest twin tower in the world? In a more recent quick discussion, I had with an academician, he said, if being a Malaysian is all about having all the good food, it feels superficial. I nodded in agreement.

Let me share my opinion on what made me a Malaysian. First of all, I know well Malaysia is a multiracial country, once a British colony for hundreds of years. The colonizer brought in laborers, mainly from India and China to maximize the production of local resources. They created a system that somehow managed to seep into the present, elitist. If you are Malaysian and somehow want to understand more about it, I highly recommend you to read The Colour of Inequality: Ethnicity, Class, Income and Wealth in Malaysia by Muhammed Abdul Khalid. It doesn’t matter which race are you from because it definitely helped me to understand why Malaysia feels so torn apart sometimes.

Unity and beyond

I personally believe being a Malaysian is all about unity. The unique thing about it is we look past it beyond colors and belief. For me it is a blessing compared to other countries, Malaysians enjoy each other’s company, celebrate together, and deeply respect each other in our daily life. In the recent crisis, Covid, and the flood that happened, I saw how united Malaysian can be. The solidarity shown for fellow Malaysians that was affected by the crisis is heart-moving. It really shows the Malaysian spirit.

I believe this should be the starting point for a better future. I also believe similar things have been done in the past. However, if it works, I wouldn’t be writing this kind of post. I would probably be writing about something else, not about the obvious thing that should make me a Malaysian.

Somehow from my observation, I don’t think we Malaysians share the concept of history the same as each other deeply. We all understand how we gain our independence and the leaders behind it. However, we came from different backgrounds. Some might feel that independence is a distant past that the younger ones have difficulties embracing.

Again, unity as the core principle value is not new. I’ve seen the words countless times as I grew up. The terms perpaduan, bersatu padu, semangat perpaduan, and the list goes on. We have been injected and shaped with those words constantly, I, for example, have been to Sekolah Kebangsaan (SK) and Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan (SMK), playing with those words in my essays. Even so, I believe in experience and practical things rather than just theory. I attended two different SK. One is in the city, where I experience the multiracial environment. The other one is in the kampung, where 99% of the students are Malay. The atmosphere and experience are totally different. When I get to SMK, the students from the kampung have a hard time mingling with other races and prefer their own. It’s just from my observation.

Of course, unity is the key but the keysmiths are the politicians. They are the leaders that shaped the country. I understand that Malaysians inherited a system from the colonizers and passed it down to the younger generations. I strongly believe we need to break free from it. It is in the news about how racism is on the rise but Malaysians don’t really talk about it. To be honest, I have faith in my generation and the coming ones. Slowly, I believe the real Malaysians, not the elitists, will be able to shape a better Malaysia. The one that has been brought up by the spirit of living in Malaysia will lead the country. Certainly not by the silver spoon-fed families that have no idea what happen on the ground. Real leaders that will bring unity which all Malaysians deserve.

You can leave if you want, but

Of course there are Malaysians who believe that this country is doomed. No point in staying and better migrating to another country. That is their opinion and nothing is wrong with that. But, the one who stays believes otherwise. They still want to fight, they believe in change. Slowly, they did. Slowly, they progressed. They are fighting for a better Malaysia.

You or any other Malaysians who no longer believe Malaysia can be better, you can leave if you want but don’t ever disrespect or belittle the effort of the ones who decided to stay. The same goes for Malaysians who don’t vote because they don’t believe in change or the system. To vote is the bare minimum to challenge the system. That is the basic thing to do for a Malaysian.

As a closure, being a Malaysian is all about unity. For me, that is the answer to the question, of what makes us Malaysian. This unity stems from respect, admiration, and understanding of Malaysia’s identity. I believe this unity has already sprouted and grown but is still a long way to fully mature. Perhaps, one day.

25 August 2022.

Ally’s Thoughts: It’s difficult because we don’t share the same values

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Have you been in a situation where you don’t think things will work out because of the differences in values?

I’ve been wanting to share about this for the past few weeks but I couldn’t decide on how to share it. The word value also means principles or the thing we think is important in life. If we think love is important, love is a value in our life. If we think money is far more important, we hold money as valuable and a priority in our life. Those are just examples.

What if a couple doesn’t share the same values? What if a family has different ideas on the values that matter? What if the company’s value is totally different from that of its employees? It is a mismatch and will hinder their situation, trust, and growth.

Of course, a solution or a compromise is the next step forward. However, before taking that next step, the current step is to understand what kind of values that we believe in.

I personally, can be really particular about the things I get myself involved on something. Be it personal, networking, or career-wise.

I was in such a situation recently and I feel tormented for the inability to share about it. Imagine working on a project that you are so uncomfortable with. It was not the tasks, colleagues, or the bosses but the whole idea of the project. A project that focuses on great values but personally to me, it is against mine. Don’t get me wrong, I do support the project but to be personally involved in it, stirs the guilts and pressure inside me.

A mismatch.

Ally’s Thoughts: The Loneliness Of Not Understanding

Hi friends and readers.

I hope you are doing well and healthy. There is a topic in my mind that have been poking me to write it down. Earlier, there was this conversation between someone that is close with a relative. The topic was about me, and this person couldn’t really explain well what I do.

I felt the heaviness in my chest after my brain decided to process the conversation. It made me remember all the things I thought I have forgotten. The childhood that made me this way. The respond and conversation that I made me feel denied of everything.

A friend shared this post from Instagram and I can’t help to feel overwhelmed.

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The post hits me close. Imagine after all those years, and some of us are really struggling to open up. Is it mendable? Is it possible to even have this trust again? The scenario that running through my head is how heartbreaking it would be to them for not opening up. Worse when we told them that we don’t really trust them and how the connection is not as close as they think. The thoughts of, how ungrateful I could be!

What kind of feeling that have been stirring inside me? The thought of being torn and unable to feel anything around them and the feel that I am faking everything messed me up. It feels a lot more horrible when others could understand you better.

I think this thought of loneliness not only came from being alone but from the people around you that don’t understand you. They denied your thoughts and concerns for a long time. And when the time really comes, you rather keep it silent.

The song Headlights by Eminem feat Nate Ruess was so relatable and I feel like sharing it with everyone. I’m unable to really deliver the words in my head and I only feel like writing this much. Sorry for the bad words, sentences, or grammar. I really just want to write my thoughts down so much. At least to feel a little bit lighter.

Ally’s Thoughts: Selamat Hari Merdeka ke-64 #MalaysiaPrihatin

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I wish to all Malaysian, a Happy 64th Independence Day, or Merdeka Day. In the spirit of fighting the pandemic, the theme is carried from last year, Malaysia Prihatin meaning Malaysia Cares. It does fit us in this challenging time during the pandemic including the political instability.

There have been plenty of things happened and I am sure that all Malaysians experienced it. Ever since we had our first lockdown, selfish actions by some politicians, economic disasters, and of course the loss of souls from Covid-19. In this post, I feel the urge to share my thoughts also known as venting out. I believe that as a citizen, there is nothing wrong for me to express my feeling, to share dissatisfactions.

I do have a lot to write on but it will probably turned out to be lengthy and uninteresting for other to read. I will just write based on a topic that I want to highlight.

Malaysia Prihatin, or Malaysia Cares.

In the place where I live, the lockdown have been imposed for more than 500 hundred days. I live in a state that contributes the highest Covid-19 cases nationally. While there are some softer restrictions earlier, it turned worst after Malaysia struggling with the 3rd waves of the pandemic. I mostly ended up staying home and only go out to buy necessary groceries. I am sure I am not alone to feel extremely exhausted because of it.

During this pandemic, I submitted to my depression, I withdraw from projects, I lost some relatives, and likely to worsen my mental health. While that is from my perspective, there are others that are less fortunate. It is in the news every single day. Some loses their source of income, some struggling to have basic necessities, and some loses a lot more.

Fortunately, Malaysians can be helpful and generous towards each other. While we are made of different culture and races, being supportive is a trait that we shares together. It was shown by the #BenderaPutih movement. It was amazing to see how willing and able for us to help each other.

What disgusts me was when some politicians belittled the movement. It was unnecessary and showed lack of empathy, plus the big disparity between reality from the so called ‘elite’ perspective. My obvious impression is yes, we the struggling citizen can relate and believe in Malaysia Prihatin. It doesn’t seem the case for such elits in Malaysia. They don’t care.

The real Malaysians

As I grew up, and already starting my 3-series journey this year, I met with a lot of people. I dare to say this, the real Malaysians will never judge each other based on races. Why? Simply because it doesn’t make any sense. Why would I be judgmental towards other races? For me, it is all based on individual. No one would like to be band together for something that they are not.

I can see clearly how great unity is during this pandemic. I can see the eagerness from real Malaysians to help each other. I see them as the real Malaysians. I believe that as time move forward, we will become better.

And to the crooks and selfish politicians, Malaysians rallied together to help each other during this pandemic. While you were busy playing chess to gain power, you sidelined us to make us suffer. I believe that the younger generations are ready to change the landscape of the archaic political games.

The next 10 years will be something I am looking forward to. As a responsible citizen, I voted in elections ever since I met the age requirements. Things already changing and it was proven by the last general election. While things became unstable after that, I consider it as the inevitable change that will echo louder later.

I wish nothing else but to see better leaders in the future. Simply because, I might live through that future.

Ally’s Thoughts: Absorbing Energy and Thoughts

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Dear friends and readers,

I hope you are staying safe and healthy. We are still in the pandemic and affecting our lives more or less. It sure hit me hard especially on my mental health.

On this post, I want to share my on how the things going on around me affected me so much. Some of the things happened directly, some I came across my social media feeds. I wish to add some trigger warnings that may affect you.

The Numbing Days

Ever since the year started, I’ve lost few relatives. Some from cancer, COVID, and other reason. It affected my mood and I don’t even have the time to reconcile with my own feeling and emotions. I only choose to suppress the thoughts and keep on going. I started to burn out and depression kicks in quickly. To add the numbness, I had to manage some of the death directly because of unavoidable circumstances.

Some of them, I had been helping to take care while they were bed ridden. Yesterday they were still breathing, they were gone the next day. To be a part of the process is overwhelming too. From the moment they took their last breath, calling the ambulance, making police report, then, to the burial ground. Some were a bit of hassle, especially in hospital. Some with lack of proper documentations, costly procedures, and time consuming.

Even after everything is completed, its probably just the first part. I am still not able to reflect on the things going on and keep on moving while ignoring the pain inside me.

Lack of Happiness

During this long lockdown in Malaysia, my days are mostly spent at home with pending work. Adding and piling up anxieties. I am torn between work and lack of motivation. I need my time and space. While I am able to go out to buy groceries, it doesn’t feel the same.

I am used to find my joy outside. I’m used to take long commute from home to work. I want to be on the train. I want to take long walk among the crowd. I want to sit and have my food in a restaurant. It doesn’t matter if I’m alone because I am enjoying it.

I did find distractions but it was not enough. I’m not sure what count as being happy when I spent most of the time feeling nothing. Then came the creeping feeling of being overwhelmed and the urge to curl then cry. It’s on repeat. What’s worst is when the environment lead to another trigger that ruined my day. Ruined my mood. Only to crush me down and decapitate me emotionally.

Overwhelming

Every time I’m on social media, the world feels like getting worst. People losing their lives, loved ones, jobs, health, and home. Their livelihood destroyed. The war. The wrath of mother nature. The incompetent leaders. I can only help as much. I can only do as much. I wish I can do more.

The thoughts of other suffered more paralyzed me. The thoughts that others are struggling aching me. The thoughts of others losing their loved one shook me. It can happen to me too. The urge to keep on trying and moving forward stunted me. Especially in this state of mine.

The truth is…

I am tired. I am given up. I don’t want to feel this discomfort. I am tired to reevaluate my life again. The dark thoughts haunting me is probably regret of not doing things sooner. Will I be regretting it again for the next few years? I don’t have the answer for it now.

I don’t even know what I want now. I only have the urge to sleep and forget. I don’t want to continue. Yet, what keeps me going? Is it hope? Is it faith? Is it cowardice?

The only thing I’m sure of is, I am tired. I am exhausted.

Ally’s Thoughts: Bitcoin is a scam? Intro

close up of coins
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Is it? Of course it is not. Scammers tricked unsuspecting desperate people thinking it is the fastest way to help their financial troubles.

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the long break and silence. I was pretty busy with work for the past few months until I no longer have one. Surprised? Me too.

I have been working in a media company that focused on cryptocurrency and blockchain technology. I have like zero knowledge about the industry and I was clueless. However, six months into it, I am not expert but I am moderately informed. So to speak.

I will share with all of you on what I have learned and acquired. Therefore, you will not be fooled or scammed by these scammers. I am here to raise awareness about what is Bitcoin and how to educate yourself about Bitcoin!

There are so many things I wanted to share, I will break Ally’s Thoughts into few parts. So, you won’t get confused or get a headache because of too much information.

Alright, let’s begin!

Ally’s Thoughts: Bitcoin is a scam? Intro
Ally’s Thoughts: Bitcoin is a scam? Part 1
Ally’s Thoughts: Bitcoin is a scam? Part 2


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And own every sins I made

forest photography
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If I were given the chances,
To return back to the times,
Where I have to decide,
A lot of things,
That led me here,

To every poisonous words,
The severed bonds,
The silent tears,
And the boulders like burden,
On both of my shoulders,

To every heartbreaks,
The unbearable pain,
The guilt till eternity,
Still running in my blood,
Rushing through my soul,

To every regrets,
The unspoken words,
The locked feelings,
The untold emotions,
Of sparks that never burns,

To every hour of my time,
The lost dreams,
The efforts for nothing,
Too much wasted,
Staring the invisible walls,

To every romantics,
The soft pleasures,
The intimate moments,
Eventually disconnected,
A caretaker for others,

I will not turn back,
I will not return,
I will not seek,
Nor I will sell my soul,
Just to get one more chance,

I want to accept,
I want to admit,
I want to carry the weight,
And learn to lessen it,
In each conquered days,

Let it be my strength,
Let it be my guidance,
Let it be a reminder,
To all the things I couldn’t change,
So I can be better,

I may not live for myself,
But I am not giving up for others,
To the ones already here,
And the ones to come,
I will be here,

Even it offers me heaven,
To undo everything,
In hell I will be,
And own every sins I made.