Ally’s Thoughts: One Strong Lesson I Learned From Love Village (Ai No Sato) on Netflix

May 30, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ Leave a comment

Hi friends and readers.

I completed watching a Japanese reality dating show on Netflix called Love Village or Ai No Sato. I did write about it in a previous entry. You can read about it below.

Ally’s Thoughts: Love Village (Ai No Sato) on Netflix Reminds Me of Things I’ve Forgotten

In my earlier post, one of the points that made me want to watch this is the age limit for the participants. They are around the age of 35 – 60 years old. Age truly shows the differences in terms of maturity and objectives compared to younger people.

One of the biggest lessons that I want to share from the show is the ability to understand what I want, what my person wants, and whether are we willing to grow together from there. All of us have our own preferences when it comes to a partner. While it may seem that it is the most important thing it may actually be something that is trivial. I like to see it this way, are we seeing the same values in life. That’s just the start.

The next part is about understanding each other and recognizing efforts. Things changed eventually when we are being honest and upfront. If things are unrequited it’s okay. At least no more stones are left unturned. That is to me being mature because we are not only dealing with our own feelings and emotions but their feeling as well. I do believe that no communication is also a form of communication. I’m the type of person who is having a hard time processing such kind of action.

It’s really assuring watching the participants being upfront with their feeling. I feel that it is a good example for me. I’m currently not really sorting out the things I want to say on this matter. I might end up reading this post again in the future and realize how silly it is. In a way, I feel like I’m writing this while being drunk. I hope you all will understand. Sorry in advance.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I hope you have a productive weekday!

Let Me Share How It Feels by Ally L is now available!

May 17, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ 6 Comments

Hi friends and readers!

I just published my fifth ebook! Let Me Share How It Feels is a collection of more than 170 poems written between 2020 to the end of 2021.

In a time where he only has his written words to share. All he can write about is brokenness. His broken heart, his broken soul, and his broken mind. If you wonder how does it feel? Or what kind of battle he has to go through every single day of his life, let this one show you instead.

You can download it for free here! Like my previous ebooks, it is free to download because I’ve written all the poems here in my blog. While for some it can be a hassle to scroll back to read my older poems, I just have to compile them all. I still have one more compilation to make. That is the NaPoWriMo version for all those past years.

Feel free to download it and feel free to share your experience with me. The pandemic was really difficult for some of us and I am included. During the lockdown phase, I lost friends and family members close to me. Some to their battle with cancer, some succumbed to covid, and some by suicide. It was too much to process. I don’t want to remember how painful it was for everyone around me. My mind was like dangerous water to sail with at that time.

I guess on the themes, I did write a few love poems which mostly are unrequited. Of course, talking about the struggle of depression was most of it. In a way, I find it funny that I keep on writing about this same dark and heavy feeling after all these years. What a life.

Anyway, again, feel free to download the book and share it in your circle. If you feel like tipping me you can do so through my page on Buy Me A Coffee. I’m also accepting commission too. Click here to my Buy Me A Coffee page.

Until next time!

Ally’s Thoughts: What is My Life Purpose?

May 15, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ Leave a comment

Hi friends and readers,

For the past couple of months, I’ve been onto a really familiar yet different phase of my life. As I’ve shared previously in my previous posts, I joined a program called The Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind. You can read why I joined the program below.

Ally’s Thoughts: Why I Joined the Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind program?

If you are interested to read more about the program or you want to experience the program, read here.

In a way, the program helps me to keep on engaging with my creative side and how to sustain it. I’m grateful to experience the program. I’m still practicing and utilizing the lessons and tools that were taught during the program. It was really helpful. That is on my creative side.

Apart from the Mind Gardening with Arts program, I was also studying for a life coaching program with Transformation Academy. Feel free to read more about them here. As of today, I have completed two courses and I still have two more courses to complete the full Master’s course. However, I’m not in any hurry. I’ll talk more about it in a different post later.

For me, self-growth and development are not something new. Sharing my work and my thoughts were also a part of my self-reflection activity here. Also, I’m grateful that some of the companies I worked with previously exposed me to self-development programs a lot. While I might have forgotten some of them, occasionally the memories returned to be a reminder in my life.

Okay, back to the topic of my thought’s today. What is my life purpose? In Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind, I learned about my essence and what keeps me going when it comes to creativity and mindfulness. No problems with that. However, when I was going through my life coaching course, I found my lack of purpose in life.

In my situation, I don’t think I’ve ever thought it this way. A purpose that will keep you going no matter how hard it gets. The purpose has to be something specific and I have to believe in it. For example, whenever you are facing a tough moment in life, this purpose will the anchor to keep you grounded in the sea of turbulence.

For me, that sense of purpose was shattered when I had a really bad phase of depression. Life was not worth living for me. While I am feeling better now, I’ve been able to live and manage it well, I am still working on a lot of things I do feel I am constantly growing and learning new things but at one point like right now, I don’t feel I have a strong reason to go on. Of course, it goes back to self-love. If I love myself, I should be able to forward, right? My argument is that we all want the best for ourselves, and living might not be the best for me. Of course, this is all self-talk, self-belief, and what’s important is that what makes us happy. That is the priority.

Right now, I am trying and working to find my life purpose. I found out that I’m mostly living on auto-pilot for a really long time. For example, I go to school, so I could complete my studies. After I completed my study, I don’t have a purpose. Another example, I go to work because my purpose is to work and earn income. What happened when I’m no longer working, I don’t have a purpose. Also, I learned the hard way when they said don’t make a person be your life purpose. Once they are gone or leave your life, you lost your life purpose. I know I did.

I do have a couple of ideas about what my life purpose is but still need to work on it. Don’t worry, like I always do, I’ll figure it out eventually. So, what about you? Do you have a firm life purpose?

Ally’s Thoughts: You Are Missed. Rest In Peace, Friend.

May 10, 2023May 10, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ 4 Comments

Hi friends and readers,

On the 9th of May, 2020, I lost a dear friend. I knew her from WordPress and she is a fellow Malaysian. I knew about her passing from Instagram. Some friends took over the account and posted about the news.

She was a talented writer in my opinion. Her words are profound and written so well in her poetry and prose. Personally, I saw her as a strong and independent person. I respect her so much.

Dear J, I pray that you are in a better place. The world may be challenging for you but may be in a lovely place and a thousand times better. I pray that you are reconnected with your beloved mother. I’m sorry that our last conversation a day before you went away was silly. I hope I was able to talk more things with you. May Allah grant you the best of places in Jannah. Rest well, friend.

Allow me to share your last words with my fellow readers.

In the end, I am just and will be a memory.
In yours I hope.
J

You will always be in our memory, friend.

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts Program by A Lusher Mind Part Final

April 14, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ Leave a comment

Hi friends and readers,

Today is my final session for Mind Gardening with Arts Program by A Lusher Mind. Yes, this is my fourth and final session for the Beta program. If you missed out my previous session or journey, feel free to read them below.

Part 1

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind Part 1

Part 2

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind Part 2

Part 3

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind Part 3

Why did I join the Beta program? I shared the reason below.

Ally’s Thoughts: Why I Joined the Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind program?

Mind Gardening with Arts is a program through intentional artmaking to strengthen our minds while exploring our creativity. For the beta program, I will be on this journey for four weeks exploring intentional artmaking through different mediums. The medium is visual arts, music, and words.

If you are curious about A Lusher Mind and their initiatives, feel free to check their Instagram. They recently launched their website and it looks great! Check out their website here.

On my final session, the medium is word. Today, I have the chance to write a couple of haikus. I am not sharing it here. If you want to read it, check the post on my Instagram here.

Overall, my thoughts for today’s session are on how creativity should not be limited. I believe that creativity is all about freedom. If it sounds ridiculous and doesn’t make any sense, it is fine. That is what creativity is all about.

I hope April has been kind to you. If not, I hope it gets better soon. Happy Friday and have a great weekend everyone!

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind Part 2

March 31, 2023April 1, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ 2 Comments

Hi friends and readers,

Today I had my second session for Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind. Yes, this is my second session in trying to find my lost inner creativity. In case you missed my experience on my first session, you can read it here.

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind Part 1

If you are curious about A Lusher Mind and their initiatives, feel free to check their Instagram. Click Here!

Unlike my previous session, the medium for this week is music. So, I have nothing to show but I will try my best to tell the things that happened. What is the topic for this week? Fundamental.

To be honest, I’m not a singer, I don’t have a good voice, but still, I enjoy singing my heart out especially in my car. Karaoke is one of my favorite activities. Apart from that, I enjoy listening to music. My Spotify playlist is filled with random languages and genres. A moment I would be basking myself in the melodic harmony of classical arrangement and the next moment, I might be listening to a hard black metal symphonious music. I might start my day with some witty Egyptian Shaabi, the afternoon might be dancing to Bollywood songs, and sleeping to 90’s Mandarin songs.

While this is not a 90’s song, Teresa Teng holds a special seat in my love of music.

What does all this have to do with the session? Remember the topic for today is fundamental. Coming from someone like me, it’s hard to find one that I could call my own.

All and all, the exercises with A Lusher Mind were something new for me. From the basics of exploring my own voice to trying different vowel sounds. The feeling after all the exercise was dizziness. It was a fun way for me to experience throwing my own voice. Overall, I had fun.

The takeaway from today’s session is quite profound. I rarely talk to people on a daily basis. Only when I hang out with friends will I be chatty. Only when I sing in my car or go for karaoke will I be throwing my voice. I feel like someone has lost his voice. Today I somewhat feel the vibration of my voice bouncing in my lung and body. To feel comfortable with my own voice. Do you feel comfortable with your own voice?

Wishing everyone a fantastic day and a great weekend! If this week doesn’t work out too well for us, let’s hope next week will be ours for the taking.

Ally’s Thoughts: Why I Joined the Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind program?

March 27, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ 3 Comments

Hi friends and readers,

Remember my post on my first session on Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind? If you missed it, you can read it here.

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind Part 1

Currently, I joined their BETA program. If you are interested to join the full program, sign up for their waitlist. You can find the details on A Lusher Mind Instagram account. Check it out here.

Why I joined this program?

The truth is I feel like my creativity has dried up. Whenever I read my poems back, I kinda miss the creativity I had when I started this journey. More so, if I compared it to my younger self, it feels barren and lacking. Not to mention the different style, the witty play of words, and the sweetest imagination that I can no longer taste.

There are times I think that this is probably how one’s style changed as one matured. If that is the case, I’m slowly turning into someone who is bland, mediocre, and lacking. Or it is probably because of my situation and environment. Either way, I started to feel sick of writing depressing words. I did a post about it.

Ally’s Thoughts: My poems are depressing

Again, the same question I would ask is, what is a poet if they are not true to their feelings?

If all I’ve been feeling is these dark voids and spots, I should do something about it. Yet, it is not all bad. It is all a process and journey. I do feel sick of writing it that way but I accept it. It is how I feel. My own feeling. At the same time, I do feel invigorated writing about self-growth. I do feel good writing about positivity. I am healing. I feel like I am transitioning. Shedding old skin.

After taking consideration of all those thoughts popping and arguing inside my head. Why don’t I try something? And I found Mind Gardening with Arts. I signed up for their BETA program. From my first session, I think it is totally worth it.

One thing that I hold close to is that I want to experience. Through experience, all the senses in my body will taste and feel the journey. All the good and bad. Go through it. Explore it. Grow out of it. Write it.

Ally’s Thoughts: Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind Part 1

March 24, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ 4 Comments

Hi friends and readers,

I hope you are having a great day. If not, I hope you will get through the hardship you are facing soon. Let’s do our best to keep on going even when we know tomorrow is not what we have hoped for. Nothing wrong with being hopeful. Nothing wrong in believing things will get better.

Today I had my first session of Mind Gardening with Arts by A Lusher Mind. I signed up for their beta program a couple of weeks ago. Now, I am on this program for four weeks. If you are curious about A Lusher Mind and their initiatives, feel free to check their Instagram. Click Here!

The Mind Gardening with Arts is a program through intentional artmaking to strengthen our minds while exploring our creativity. For the beta program, I will be on this journey for four weeks exploring intentional artmaking through different mediums. The medium is visual arts, music, and words. I had my introductory session last Monday and I can’t help to feel excited about my first session which happened earlier today.

For my first session, the concept is self-essence. The medium for this week is visual art. Have you ever thought of your own essence? What makes you, you? For this session, I associated my essence with an ember. Last year I had a chance to get a personalized reading based on the elements. The person told me that I have a fire personality but not a wild kind of fire but smaller ones like an ember. It sounds weak and fragile. However, is it? Every fire starts small, but with the right condition, it can burn the whole world. Somehow, it reminded me whenever I feel so passionate about something that I won’t back down easily.

Back to the session, I decided to use gouache paint. I started to draw the ember in me. I will not be sharing it here but I have it on my Instagram. A heads up, the painting is elementary and it’s not for everyone. Be warned! Check the painting here.

From the session, I believe I know who I want to be and what I want to achieve. I know how and what I need. I also know what stops me. Even so, at times I still feel lost. Lack of focus too. Hopefully, whenever I see my painting, it will remind me of this ember still trying to grow and requiring sustenance to keep on going.

In the session, I set up my mantra for this journey.

If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, it’ll be
Baby, just let it be.

It is a lyric from a song called Meant to Be by Bebe Rexha. Check the video below.

To be honest, I will try to believe. If it’s meant to be, it will be. It is a comforting line to believe in.

Why I joined Mind Gardening with Arts in the first place? I’ll share it in another post.

The session today reminded me of a similar program I had years ago. This is like the constant reminder I had throughout my life that I need to remember who I am. While the self-actualization program is more intense, at least for this session, I have arts t engage with. Here is the post in case you want to read about it.

Ally’s Thoughts: Self Actualization Program

That is all for now. I feel like I want to say a lot more but my mind feels foggy all of a sudden. Probably internal thoughts are clashing with my reality. Wishing everyone a great weekend! Until next time.

Ally’s Thoughts: 7 Years of Poetry and Inspiration With WordPress

March 13, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ 6 Comments

Hi friends and readers,

This morning, WordPress sent out a reminder about my anniversary with WordPress. It has been seven years! I’m happy to take this path and make a lot of friends along the way. It was a strong urge to free out all of my thoughts and share my words with everyone that made me Write Ally! Write!

While blogging is nothing new for me at that time. I already had one as early as 2009. I wrote a post about it. You can read it here.

Ally’s Thoughts: Goodbye My Old Blogspot Blog, You Will Be Remembered

Somehow, looking at it back now, it is the best outlet I’ve ever had. I think I’ve posted more than a thousand poems here to tell all the things I’ve gone through. Especially on all the mental states and thoughts I’ve drowned myself in for the past years. If there is a question one day asking who is Ally L.? Just read all his poems, that is the kind of person he is. He is probably the good, the bad, and a person that always trying to find something that he doesn’t even know. Or probably someone that is always struggling to be somebody.

I have more things to say about this but I stop here. Simply because the conclusion of it was ugly and made me run away from it. Never mind, let’s move on from there.

What’s next? One of the ways for me to make it easy for readers to read my work is by publishing e-books. Not everyone has time to read all the posts in the blog, so I usually compiled them into an e-book for an easier reading experience. Also, I would distribute them for free. If you haven’t checked them out, feel free to get them here.

Published Works

However, it has been a while since I published my last compilation. So, I will compile one soon and let you all know about it. While I have other things planned up, it is not the time to share them. Hopefully, everything will be done and I will be happy to share it here, FIRST!

For anyone who is contemplating doing things that they love and are passionate about. Don’t pause and think too much, if you have that spark inside of you and a strong urge to start the first step, do it. The longer you keep pressing the brake, the longer you hold yourself back. No one says that you can’t take another pause after the first step, another rest after the next step too. If the world can’t give you the peace, you make your own.

I hope everyone will have a great day ahead. Wishing everyone stays healthy and safe. Until next time!

Why am I still fighting to move forward?

January 2, 2023 ~ Ally L. ~ 4 Comments

There is nothing good will ever come out of my mouth,
Only deep numbing frustration like compacted powder of emotion,
There is no patience and solace except the happy finger anxiety,
And the words to let out are like knives and blades coated with poison,

What is kindness when they are the ones being punished?
What is patience when the world is filled with ignorants?
What is fairness when they are the ones being abused?
What is a family when they are bringing the home down?

Yet, I can never understand the main question,
Why am I still fighting to move forward?