What is my biggest fear?

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What is my biggest fear?
I don’t have any,
I’m not fearless nor I’m brave,
I can get anxious, I do fear,
But the biggest is something I don’t have,

I learn not to have any expectations,
Not because I fear the worst,
Nor because I don’t want to be let down,
I learn to experience,
To enjoy the moment even in pain,

If there is a hungry tiger,
Yes, I will be in fear,
But living that moment,
It is either I’ll be their dinner,
Or I survived, harmed or unharmed,

The biggest fear isn’t happening,
Until it happened and when it happened,
It’s a reality and all I have to do is,
To experience it and live for today,
Not to mope about yesterday, or anxious about tomorrow.


Let Me Share How It Feels by Ally L is now available!

Hi friends and readers!

I just published my fifth ebook! Let Me Share How It Feels is a collection of more than 170 poems written between 2020 to the end of 2021.

In a time where he only has his written words to share. All he can write about is brokenness. His broken heart, his broken soul, and his broken mind. If you wonder how does it feel? Or what kind of battle he has to go through every single day of his life, let this one show you instead.

You can download it for free here! Like my previous ebooks, it is free to download because I’ve written all the poems here in my blog. While for some it can be a hassle to scroll back to read my older poems, I just have to compile them all. I still have one more compilation to make. That is the NaPoWriMo version for all those past years.

Feel free to download it and feel free to share your experience with me. The pandemic was really difficult for some of us and I am included. During the lockdown phase, I lost friends and family members close to me. Some to their battle with cancer, some succumbed to covid, and some by suicide. It was too much to process. I don’t want to remember how painful it was for everyone around me. My mind was like dangerous water to sail with at that time.

I guess on the themes, I did write a few love poems which mostly are unrequited. Of course, talking about the struggle of depression was most of it. In a way, I find it funny that I keep on writing about this same dark and heavy feeling after all these years. What a life.

Anyway, again, feel free to download the book and share it in your circle. If you feel like tipping me you can do so through my page on Buy Me A Coffee. I’m also accepting commission too. Click here to my Buy Me A Coffee page.

Until next time!

A chest of junk

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I’m here writing word by word,
To translate or interpret thoughts,
Of my own, that none can hear,
Like opening a chest filled with junk,

Getting through it is difficult,
Like navigating the vast sea,
With a small ship powered by the wind,
Relying on the stars on a cloudy night,

What made it so hard,
To write down the thoughts I own,
A chest of junk filled with conflicts,
Yet, it’s been there ever since.

What should I do?

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What should I do?
When I close my eyes,
I see you smiling,
I see your excitement,
I feel your passion,
I feel your radiating presence,

What should I do?
When I open my eyes,
You are no longer there,
Only fragments of your remain,
Only the traces of your passion lingers,
Only the coldness of your presence exists,

If there is anything I can do,
Is to pray for a glimpse of hope,
So I will have the chance,
Embracing your presence for eternity.

I’m writing this down

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Can the universe stop feeding my delulus?
Probably it is not the universe,
It is just how the algorithm works,
It is how it slowly poisons your mind,

Feeding you with messages,
Showing you the optimal pattern,
And a real case study,
Of users’ behavior,

It is to give you an illusion,
Implanted beliefs system,
I don’t even know why,
I’m writing this down.

In a comfort, I used to be

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I fell into a situation,
Ironic in my perspective,
Like a rush of water,
Leading a flood,

The rush was innocent,
Out of needs so essential,
To nurture myself,
Growing my garden,

But the aftermath,
The great flood,
Submerging my sanity,
Only to see the sun underwater,

I can swim to get out of the water,
But I don’t want to,
I want to stay here,
In a comfort, I used to be.

If living is the real standard?

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No one deserves to feel abandoned,
To live with the demon inside their mind,
Like all the classic horror movies,
Haunted in a house, alone in the dark,

Some survived, some dismembered,
Who really gets to decide,
If living is the real standard?

If you would let me, say it

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If you would let me, say it,
I really want to talk to you,
It has been a while,
It may not feel that long to you,
For me, it has been a long time,
I want to know more about you,
I want to listen to you,
I want to be that person,
That is always there,
When you need me,

But all these wishes,
Is what I want,
It is pointless,
If it is not,
What you want.