I feel like joining today’s prompt because it’s something that is close to my work in a sense. Being a life coach and a peer support, encountering different ideals and perspective is totally normal. Everyone has their own belief system and in a way there should be mutual respect. However, not everyone would agree and think in the same way.
What’s something most people don’t understand?
The existence of different perspective. The example I can share is about how we see struggle. For some people, struggle is necessary. For some people, it doesn’t have to. Let’s say we want to achieve something like completing a degree. Of course we have to go through a lot of things like courseworks, tests and navigating university life. This is where it gets interesting for me.
For some people, they see going through all those as a struggle. It’s not wrong and it’s just how we want to view it. In a different perspective, we can view it as a challenges that helps to shape a person’s identity. Back to the point, there are different perspective on how we can see things in life. Not everythings has to be on the extreme end of each other.
It’s like seeing life in black and white where the world is actually filled with different colors. I think one of the lesson I want to share is that be open to new perspectives. It’s fine if we don’t agree as long as there is a firm understanding and mutual respect. Definitely there will be tolerance in between,
Maybe that’s just me, what about you?
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Recently, I watched a Vietnamese movie on Netflix called Dreamy Eyes (Mắt biếc) released in 2019. Here is a description from IMDb:
Through heartbreak and betrayal, a young man’s unrequited love for his childhood best friend endures for a generation in this sweeping romance.
And here is the trailer for the movie.
As usual, I’m not going to review about the movie but I want to share about the theme or questions that made me ponder after watching it. I was actually want to talk about the thought of how long someone should wait but I talked about this movie to a friend and she raised a question that was really interesting to me.
This post may contain spoilers, if you don’t want to be spoiled, feel free to divert your attention away right now. If you are unfazed to any spoilers, come and join me to ponder-land.
First, let’s talk about the first question.
How long should we wait for someone?
In the movie, Ngan has been attracted to Ha Lan since young. He did not set his eyes on anyone else even after a lot of things happened between them. The story span until they are in their thirties. In the end, when both realizes that one has been sacrificing too much and the other has been taking everything for granted, it’s probably too late.
I believe the question is not really straightforward as it seems. It really depends on the situation. Is it one-sided? Is it mutual? Is it long distance? Is it this? Is it that? Is it about pursuing one’s dream career or passion?
In a different perspective, it is also relatable to the concept of ‘right person at the wrong time’. In which a concept that I don’t favor at all. To me, there is no such thing as ‘the right person at the wrong time’, it’s just the unfavorable situation that leads to someone decided not to pursue and cut off the relationship. Most probably out of the inconveniences that happened.
Back to the question, in terms of waiting someone, why does waiting even an option? I see life as a journey and each of us is moving forward to a different direction and it’s never a linear path. Why we even have to wait? Why not go through the journey together and see if it’s working or not? It’s the so-called test. Most likely the notion of I’ll wait is just compensating in lack of a certain aspect of the relationship. In a way, I’m babbling too much at this point.
For example in the case of this movie, Nhan patiently waiting for Ha Lan and sacrificed everything for her. While he most likely has a high hope that Ha Lan will return to the village with her and accept her love, I noticed that he never really communicate what he really wanted. If I remember correctly, there were not a single scene that they really talk about what they want from each other.
As for my opinion, before we even say we are willing to wait for someone, we need to be clear on so many things first. Have the necessary talk on needs and expectations, future plans, and be decisive on what do we really want. I think in a way, the idea of supporting each other will be the key that leads to the better option which is ‘why wait. let’s get through this together’.
What about you? What’s your idea of waiting for someone?
Do you choose someone that love you OR someone that you love?
I had a conversation with a friend and I told her about this movie. We ended up talking about the question above because I asked her who will you choose, someone that love you OR someone that you love?
Because in the movie, while Ngan was pursuing Ha Lan, there is a character that has been chasing Ngan, Hong. I see Hong in the same position as Ngan but somehow, Hong was really clear with her intention and often try to convey that feeling to Ngan. Unfortunately, it’s unrequited.
Then, my friend said something that really, again took me to ponder-land. She said;
Do you love someone because you need them? Or do you need them that’s why you love them?
At first, it does sounds the same thing but after giving it a deeper thought, it’s really different. From my perspective and understanding nowadays, there are so many ways to show love to someone. In a romantic context, the goal doesn’t have to be ‘being in a relationship with the person’. To be able to show support is also a form of love. It’s also about understanding how much you are willing to give without losing your self-worth.
As for the question she asked, I’ll choose the person that love me within the certain acceptable context. Again, life is not always black and white. It depends. Each one of us might go through a similar situation but completely different background.
It’s been awhile since I write something that is really interesting to ponder. Please, feel free to share your thoughts and opinion on the comment section!
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I hope you are doing well and we are in December now. Wishing everyone good health and a strong mind going through the last days of the year 2023.
Every year, Spotify releases Spotify Wrapped that shares the stats for users and artists. Usually for regular users, the stats are about top artists, top songs, genres and much more. I feel like sharing mine this year because my Spotify Wrapped is dominated by one singer, Su San.
In my previous posts, I did share couples of her songs here and shared my thoughts about it. In case you missed it, I’m sharing the link below.
I’m actually surprised myself because this is unexpected.
Who are my Top 5 artists in 2023?
Pretty mixed because of the phases of things I had to go this year. I started to learn Vietnamese and listen to Vietnamese pop songs. So, that’s the reason why. I’m not sure what I’m going through when I can’t stop listening to Cradle of Filth. Probably need to scream the soul out of me.
I am top 0.001% fans listening to Su San worldwide
I guess I can put this in my own personal achievement in 2023. If you think being in 1% is high, I’ve never guessed I would be in the 0.001% ! I’m happy and at the same time I call this madness. Probably it’s going to get higher next year because she just released a new song and new album next year! I can’t wait.
If you are using Spotify, how is your Spotify Wrapped this year? You can share it in the comment.
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I can’t help but write about today’s prompt. It’s a wishful thinking way of thought but it will be possible if you buy a course OR become a member of Transformation Academy by using my promo code. More details below!
Full-Time Traveler
Is being a traveler considered a job? I am considering it is a job. Going everywhere and sharing the things I’ve seen and experienced with others. I want to explore different cultures around the world. Believe me, there are so many things to do if traveling is a job!
Full-Time Volunteer
This is something that I’ve been trying to achieve ever since I’ve started my life coaching journey. I want to spend my time volunteering to help others, specifically on personal growth and development. So, if you think you need a life coach or peers support, feel free to reach out to me. I’m volunteering myself and took the first step of becoming a full-time volunteer without the ‘money didn’t matter’ part.
A Venture Capitalist
I can’t help to put this one. Being a VC is something that I think is really necessary to help grow business ideas. There are many good sustainable projects that need funding. Some projects are able to transform and change the life of many communities and individuals.
So, if money didn’t matter, what kind of job would you do?
I think the biggest piece of advice that I have ever received is when I was in a therapy session. Not really advice but a moment of realization. At the time, I was struggling to identify my sense of purpose and I felt like I was clueless and aimless without one. What I realized was that, the sense of purpose doesn’t have to be something big, something noble, it doesn’t have to be complicated at all.
“You wanted to survive is also a purpose.” – Liz Ong, my therapist
As I started to think that way, living my life day to day is also a purpose. Not everyone lives the same life. Everyone has their own circumstances and situations to deal with. It is not about comparing myself to others. I don’t even want to compare.
So, the advice that I have to give to myself after that moment of realization is that;
Go and live your life because you are not promised tomorrow.
It helps me to live in the present and appreciate every moment of it. It doesn’t matter if it’s happiness, sadness, pain, regrets or any conflicting and mixed feelings I had. I learned to accept that it is a part of my journey. It helps me to get through my challenges and obstacles. There are days that feel hard but I am always reminded that I am alive, living life, here, today.
Today, I want to share my thoughts on a song that made me feel seen, heard and warmly embraced by a song. It is Jiwa Yang Bersedih (Sad Soul) by an Indonesian singer Ghea Indrawari.
Ever since I started to listen to this song a couple of days ago, I can’t stop listening to it daily. I have never felt seen and heard by a song. It is too relatable and I can’t stop my tears from falling every single time.
On the pinned comment, it’s from the singer herself dedicating the song to those who have tried yet failed, those who have spoken but not heard, and for those who have to smile even though they were crying inside.
The lyrics spoke like a warm presence in a cold winter. Like the safe tight embrace of a lover. Like an acknowledgment that we always yearned for. Like the final words needed to comfort someone before they do something that will harm them.
“Menangislah, Kan kau juga manusia, Mana ada yang bisa, Berlarut-larut, Berpura-pura sempurna…”
Roughly translated to;
Just cry, You are just a human, There is none, Can keep on, Pretending to be perfect
It is just a part of the song and I think the whole song sounds really meaningful. The voice of the singer and the music blend well too.
Somehow, this song allows me to be vulnerable and it immediately picked me apart. Unknowingly, I have waterfalls going down my cheeks. I can mostly relate to the struggle of trying and failing again and again. And the absence of acknowledgment from all those struggles. It really breaks me open from the inside.
. So, take a couple of minutes of your time and listen to this song. It is totally worth it.
Today’s prompt sounds like my daily journal prompt, so I’m just going to write it down here. I just watched a movie, No Hard Feelings (2023) starring Jennifer Lawrence and Andrew Barth Feldman. It is a rom com type of movie that looks really cliche but in a way I see it as how we are in life as well. For some, our life is too cliche but that is our reality. The mistakes, the stupidity, the discomfort, the challenges, and all the things that painted ‘everything is wrong’ in our life.
We are just living and the ebb and flow is our circumstances in life.
The movie as stated in IMDB:
On the brink of losing her home, Maddie finds an intriguing job listing: helicopter parents looking for someone to bring their introverted 19-year-old son out of his shell before college. She has one summer to make him a man or die trying.
I’m not going to review the movie. That is not how Ally’s Thoughts segment works. It is about the values, the message, and how it affected me is the point of this post. So, this movie made me feel something and it fits today’s prompt.
How are you feeling right now?
I can’t help myself but to feel relatable to Maddie in a way. She has a lot of problems like her avoidant attachment styles, limiting self-belief, living life day to day (not in a bad way), going through challenges in her daily life, and so much more. I can also relate to Percy in certain ways.
But what made me moved the most is the growth and clarity they had throughout the movie. It made me think on a couple of questions like;
How would I do in a conflict with my partner? How would I do if I’m in their shoes? How would I fare to be in their struggles? How far can I go to get things that I want? How far can I go to be with the person that I love? How relatable is their situation to my situation right now? Will someone treat me the same?
This sounds like overthinking and reading too deep into it. I can’t deny it but what makes it different from a simple thought of overthinking to a mental exercise is how I go through the questions one by one and resolve it. This is an exercise that I usually do in coaching to deal with thoughts that come from overthinking.
I actually have options. Either I answer it, I imagine it and get on with it, I acknowledge that I don’t have an answer, or I try to understand how does some of it really matters right now. Ultimately, it is about having the awareness itself and how it affects me emotionally.
It gave me some clarity in a way
There are some questions that have been lingering around me for a couple of weeks now. Somehow, after watching the movie, I have some clarity on the answer.
For example, how far should you go to support someone who doesn’t reciprocate back?
I believe it comes from my feeling of self-worth, letting go, what I actually want from them and what makes me happy. The situation that I am in now on this particular matter convinced me of something. First, if it tramples the value of my self-worth, I’m not going to pursue it. How hard is it for me to let go and what keeps me holding onto it? Sometimes, it is probably expectation, insecurities and hopefulness.
The clarity that I get is, it is fine to support them in my own way. I’m not expecting anything in return, I learned that if I have the capacity to give, I will just give. The person doesn’t owe me anything. I’m doing things because it makes me happy. I am satisfied with it. If my way of support doesn’t give them any trouble or being too far, I’m going to keep on giving. Why? Simply because I can. It doesn’t need any reciprocation.
In short, if I have the ability and capacity to help and support the person that I admire and believe that they can benefit from it. They don’t owe anything to me because I do it for myself. I want to do it, and I can.
It is August and it is another post about my country, Malaysia. Since our last General Election late last year and the recent State Election, I can’t imagine how hard it is to be a working government. Not to get too political but I think we have to acknowledge how complicated the current situation is for the government. Why? We currently have a government that is led by a PM that has been in the opposition for the decades working together with the longest former government coalition. It has been close to 8 months since we have this new government and yet not everyone is willing to accept this fact. I guess some people need more time to swallow the truth.
On the other hand, we have the opposition that I personally don’t feel safe with be it to perform the check and balance for the government’s administration and to spearhead the alternative direction for the country’s future. I’m not saying I am an expert; I’m saying this based on my capacity as a citizen in Malaysia.
Why I said this? In case anyone had forgotten, the current opposition was also in the government during our toughest time in 2020 – 2022. If you are a Malaysian and you don’t face any difficulties and hardship during this period, good for you. For some, we struggled financially, mentally, and getting our basic necessities met. I used up all my savings to survive, lost family members, some of us being scoffed at because we raised our white flag, some of us were called a liar because we have to climb up a tree to take our online test, and I still remember when all of us are staying at home, these so-called leaders happily breaking the rules to play golf for a so-called charity event. We were burning candles counting time to die out.
What I despise the most is the lack of empathy towards struggling people like me. I can’t help to see how these people are living in a different reality from me. Not to mention that some are using race and religion cards to spread hate and misinformation. I am sick and tired of seeing such political games.
Why I’m not biting on such fear mongering tactics?
Before I diverted too much from my main thoughts for this post, I just wanted to share this demographic information that is available from the government’s Department of Statistics that anyone can access through their portal here.
According to the latest statistics, for the second quarter of 2023, the population of Malaysia is around 33.4 million. Based on ethnicities, 17.6 million are Malay (57.9%), 6.9 million are Chinese (22.6%), 3.7 million are Other Bumiputera (12.2%), 2 million are Indian (6.6%), and 0.2 million are others (0.7%).
Based on the above, if you are a Malay and you feel threatened by the lies about how other races are going to steal your rights, I happily assume that you are an insecure prick and probably too comfortable living in your own world. In reality, everyone is having a hard time and what makes it different is in how you work to build yourself. Definitely not based on your insecurities and chased by your own shadow of fear.
And don’t start comparing us with Singapore if you haven’t seen their statistics as well. And Indonesia too. We all have different circumstances.
The Malaysia I want to see and live in
I always see Malaysia as a unique country with a lot to offer. Simply because its diversity and the openness that we Malaysians have. However, the reasons that always smeared our faces are the greedy politicians, corruption, and bad governance. I truly believe we are heading in the right direction but it is a long shot with this new government. We saw how many scandals unearthed from the previous governments but it feels like it will take a long time to see how it will resolve. So far, there are issues that have been resolved like food supply and prices for controlled items. New economic initiatives that are impactful and the effects can be seen. Such matters should be applauded and given credit.
I want to live in a Malaysia where I don’t have to feel judged based on my ethnicities. I think I’ve said this many times in my previous thoughts related to Malaysia. How long should I wait until I see a more harmonious and understanding Malaysia? Why our decades of education still unable to heal the trauma given by the colonizers? Why is it so hard to see the so-called leaders focus the country’s growth rather than thinking on how to fill their own pocket? Where are the virtues learned?
I hope in 10 years, we will see a more capable future generation that is not born by the cast of old archaic mindset. I hope politicians will set a mindset ‘working for the people’ and not ‘I’m in a higher position to bargain’.
I feel that I have so many things to say but I should stop here.
If you are a Malaysian or living in Malaysia, what would be your twenty-cent?
I had a session with my therapist today and after the session, she shared this:
Lawyer Julie Yip-Williams, who was born blind, on the paradoxes of life:
“I do not have the answer to the question of why, at least not now and not in this life. But I do know that there is incredible value in pain and suffering, if you allow yourself to experience it, to cry, to feel sorrow and grief, to hurt. Walk through the fire and you will emerge on the other end, whole and stronger. I promise. You will ultimately find truth and beauty and wisdom and peace. You will understand that nothing lasts forever, not pain, or joy. You will understand that joy cannot exist without sadness. Relief cannot exist without pain. Compassion cannot exist without cruelty. Courage cannot exist without fear. Hope cannot exist without despair. Wisdom cannot exist without suffering. Gratitude cannot exist without deprivation. Paradoxes abound in this life. Living is an exercise in navigating within them.
I was deprived of sight. And yet, that single unfortunate physical condition changed me for the better. Instead of leaving me wallowing in self-pity, it made me more ambitious. It made me more resourceful. It made me smarter. It taught me to ask for help, to not be ashamed of my physical shortcoming. It forced me to be honest with myself and my limitations, and eventually to be honest with others. It taught me strength and resilience.”
Source: Letter to her daughters (July 2017) via Letters of Note
Lately, I was in a low energy and heavily emotional because I am going through a phase that is killing me inside. I have to spend too much time inside my head finding the best solutions to resolve it. I had to pour it all out with my therapist. I’m lucky that she has been really helpful on this journey.
I guess it is true that whatever happened to me, it’s all about how I look at it. I choose to take responsibility for my decisions. Go through all the pain from every step taken thereon. Sometimes, I need to take drastic actions, sometimes I don’t have to take any actions at all. Nothing wrong in taking my time, standing at the same spot before I decided to choose which path to take. Sometimes, I take a detour, taking on side quests. That’s also fine.
During a previous session with my therapist, we talked about expectations. If I didn’t take my life coaching program before, I might have to go through a longer process in learning about expectations. However, there is a topic in the life coaching program that touched on happiness and expectations. To summarize, having expectations without managing them can result in a lot of negative feelings and thoughts. At least, that is what happened to me. So, I’ve learned to let go or manage my expectations.
Of course, it sounds ridiculous to a certain extent by not having expectations, especially in a certain expect in life such as health, finance, and future plans. In a way, the first step would be to understand which is under our control and not. Living a healthier life is under our control but not the changes that happened in molecular level that will affect our health. Having a budget and managing our expenses is under our control but not having an accident or having an emergency that needs money. Nothing wrong in making plans for your life like going to the university we want, travel or whatsoever but it doesn’t mean the plan will always go our way. It’s not only about balance but acceptance as well.
How do I manage my own expectations?
Personally, I can manage my own expectations upon the things that I want and towards myself. There is no need to beat myself too much for something that is beyond my control. Of course, it is a whole process that I have to go through. For example, going to an event but it was raining. I had a plan but cancelled it at the last minute. It sucks but it’s how I rewire my thoughts about it.
Yes, it was raining at the same time, I found joy to be in the rain. The canceled plan means I have more time for myself. It’s not just about being positive but the thoughts came naturally. It’s like, you accept that things don’t go the way you want them, then you just think about how to make the best out of it. In whatever situation. Slowly it becomes a way of life.
It leads to living the moment of now
I think one of the biggest beliefs that leads me after I manage my expectations is it helps me to live in the now. Experiencing to live the moment helps me to stay true to the things that deserve my priority and attention. It helps me to focus as well. I lived yesterday and there’s nothing I can do to change anything that happened. Tomorrow is something that I can never be guaranteed by. I might not even have tomorrow.
The biggest asset that I have is today. Today, I can start to plan. Today, I can take my first step. Today, I can take action. Today is where the magic happens!
PS: Pardon me for any jumbling words or sentences in this post. I just got back from work and I’m trying to steal a little bit of my time to share these thoughts.
Write Ally! Write! 