How much longer I should endure

Image from: vanillapearl – DeviantArt

How much longer I should endure,
The struggle I have to face,
Every breath in and blink,
I force to have just to feel,
The piercing pain that,
No words can describe,
Except the creeping misery,
Stalks me from early history,

Let me close my eyes,
And slip away from this mind of mine.


When all I see is in vain.


I never knew its this hard to breath,
To walk somewhere,
To talk to someone,
To wake up from bed,

To stay sane,
When all I see is in vain.

A ghost by her side

I was chasing a mirage,

Real yet untrue,

It was so clear even by the long distance,

As I am closer it turned less obvious,

A mirage or a phantom,

I was chasing a phantom,

Real yet untrue,

Walked in front of me,

It was so real that I cannot stop to notice,

A phantom or a ghost,

I was chasing a ghost,

Unreal and a lie,

I was not obvious any d none noticed,

As I passed and she ignored,

A ghost by her side.

I hope I can choose soon

Source: Youtube

There are two worlds in my life,
Both follows me right and left,
In my wake and my sleep,
Like a creature stalking me from the deep,

One telling me to stay,
Chains me down to reality,
Paralyzed and shackled,
By circumstances and choices,

The other one sounds better,
Giving me freedom and no problems,
Away from mistakes and circumstances,
But the gift of eternal damnation,

I hope I can choose soon.



How was your weekend?

broken clay close up crack
Photo by Martins Krastins on

How was your weekend?
Or how was your day?
A simple one line question that I have trouble to answer,
Without telling a lie,
“Good. How about yours?”
I am guilty as charged every time I answered,

Why I can’t tell the truth?
If you are okay, I should say I am okay,
If I am not okay, I should just say I am not okay,
Good argument but never ever in my life I said I am not okay,
Other will just let it slide,
They will inquire more and I don’t want to talk about it,
Some will be flustered by my response,

I never really okay,
I don’t even remember when was the last time I feel okay,
When was the last time I feel energetic to wake up,
All I ever got was you look tired and sleepy,
Did you slept late?
“I am just tired.”
And accompanied by a whisper in my brain added,
“Of living.”

A struggle that no one understand,
Other would just see it as lazy,
Other who don’t understand will be clueless,
Saw me as problematic,
Saw me as extreme,
Saw me as not normal,
And hard to work with,
Triggering conflicts again and again,

I need a rest, a long rest,
Away from the upset mind and clouded clarity,
Away from all that I once considered matter,
Away from here,
A resting place that is not here.

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