How much longer I should endure,
The struggle I have to face,
Every breath in and blink,
I force to have just to feel,
The piercing pain that,
No words can describe,
Except the creeping misery,
Stalks me from early history,
Let me close my eyes,
And slip away from this mind of mine.
How was your weekend?
Or how was your day?
A simple one line question that I have trouble to answer,
Without telling a lie,
“Good. How about yours?”
I am guilty as charged every time I answered,
Why I can’t tell the truth?
If you are okay, I should say I am okay,
If I am not okay, I should just say I am not okay,
Good argument but never ever in my life I said I am not okay,
Other will just let it slide,
They will inquire more and I don’t want to talk about it,
Some will be flustered by my response,
I never really okay,
I don’t even remember when was the last time I feel okay,
When was the last time I feel energetic to wake up,
All I ever got was you look tired and sleepy,
Did you slept late?
“I am just tired.”
And accompanied by a whisper in my brain added,
A struggle that no one understand,
Other would just see it as lazy,
Other who don’t understand will be clueless,
Saw me as problematic,
Saw me as extreme,
Saw me as not normal,
And hard to work with,
Triggering conflicts again and again,
I need a rest, a long rest,
Away from the upset mind and clouded clarity,
Away from all that I once considered matter,
Away from here,
A resting place that is not here.
Choice, choice, choice,
Decisions to make,
Risks to take,
Uncertainties looms not a piece of cake,
Anxiety shrouds the day and night,
Bearing fangs of animosity tight,
Against own self demanding a fight,
With the only prey in sight,
How could the ember grew this big,
Just to burn one self from a brittle twig.