Jelas aku yang hodoh

Photo by Amir Ghoorchiani on Pexels.com

Ramai yang kata,
Biar dimakan waktu,
Yang sedih, yang pedih,
Memori yang semakin letih,
Diulang lagi dan lagi,

Ada pula yang kata,
Ganti dengan yang baharu,
Barulah hilang duka,
Hilang gelora jiwa,
Penawar kisah lama,

Dah bermacam cara dicuba,
Jangan cakap tentang ikan,
Gigi patah, bunga di taman,
Walau tujuh bilion manusia sekalipun,
Kalau bukan jodoh, jelas aku yang hodoh.

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Waking up when everything ends

Source: Taste of Cinema

I just have to let this one out,
Telling you how it feels,
When my anxiety hits,
Unknowingly,

My mood went from A to Z,
All the dark laziness is inside me,
I am too tired to think,
Letting this emptiness overwhelmed me,

The sleepiness gets me,
The watery eyes and nose,
Continuously feels like barfing,
Nothing out except the heavy feels,

Let me rest in my sanctuary,
A good comfy bed,
And hours of breathing death,
Waking up when everything ends.

Yang pernah penuh dengan cintamu.

Photo by Posawee Suwannaphati on Pexels.com

Andai kau mahu aku,
Hulurkan telapak tanganku,
Kau akan tahu,
Tiada apa yang aku sembunyikan,

Andai kau mahu aku,
Belah dadaku,
Kau akan tahu,
Hatiku tetap berdegup memanggilmu,

Walau kau telah pergi,
Aku di sini masih sendiri,
Aku tak menunggu,
Apatah lagi berharap,

Mungkin kau ingin tahu,
Kenapa aku tetap begitu,
Ibarat menunggu bulan purnama,
Kembali ke pangkuanku,

Tidak sayang,
Aku hanya bersedih,
Masih diselubungi sendu,
Masih lagi berkabung,

Walau ku cuba cari,
Masih belum sampai,
Penggantimu itu,
Mungkin tiada sebaikmu,

Jangan kau risau dan ragu,
Aku berlapang dada selalu,
Aku bahagia atas kemaafanmu,
Aku doakan hidup baru mu,

Jelas kau tinggalkan bekas dalam diriku,
Yang pernah penuh dengan cintamu.

On my bed

Photo by Mo on Pexels.com

I don’t want to sleep,
Only to wake up,
Feeling heartbroken,
And disappointed,

When my eyes closed,
And my soul taken,
To the dreamland,
Of unconscious desires,

Yet, I don’t want it to end,
I don’t want to wake up,
From the comfort slumber,
With your image existence,

I want this as a reality,
Of you besides me,
Spending our time together,
In a world of our own,

We dance and swirl,
We jest and laugh our heart out,
We lie down on the beach,
We cuddle up watching the sun set,

There is no too much,
Of love in the air,
Accompanying us,
Till the cold night,

I don’t want to stop here,
To write and feel,
The remnants of care,
And kindness,

One day,
I want to wake up,
With you beside me,
Like in my dreams,

But now I can only feel,
The disappointment and sadness,
Waking up alone,
On my bed.

I am clueless about myself

I am clueless about myself,
After all these battles,
All the wound and the scars,
It meant nothing,

I am tired and afraid,
For the future more,
Than thinking the past,
To bite me from behind,

I am losing my mind,
To understand the ebb and flow,
That stirs inside me,
Overflowing within me,

I am weakened,
Of the thoughts,
Going through uncertainties,
Again and again.

But the hollow heart stays.

Photo by Taufiq Klinkenborg on Pexels.com

If you have asked me,
Am I tired of writing,
All the sad and broken,
Words and lines,

Trust me I am,
It is not a pleasure,
Nor a satisfaction,
But telling the pain inside,

I can no longer remember,
The written pieces,
About the beauty,
And lovely life was,

I am at peace,
But the hollow heart,
Stays.

To stay asleep and never wake up

Image: Pixabay

I can’t help to feel,
Silly and stupid,
Over this funny situation,
That leads to all these,
Unwanted feelings,

I don’t want to suffer,
Through all the brokenness,
That I thought I have fixed,
A long time ago,
A droplet of hope,

If I have to go through,
All these tears and pain,
For the exchange of,
Uncertainties,
With the cost of happiness,

I don’t know,
Where this leads,
Nor I know,
When it will end,
I just want,
To stay asleep and never wake up.

Too much to let go

Source: Taste of Cinema

I still remember,
This feeling,
The burn,
Leaving scars,

The spiraling thoughts,
Crushing hopes,
To the depth,
Of uncertainties,

The unstoppable waves,
Of restless anxieties,
Gushing endless memories,
Of all we have been through,

The simple things,
The hard decisions,
The lovely moments,
And the teary nights,

Too much, dear,
Too much to forget,
Too much, love,
Too much to let go.

I lost someone that I have spent my whole life with

Photo by t4hlil on Pexels.com

Yes,
I am not denying,
My mind swirls around,
The thoughts of her,

I want to know too,
The reasons of existence,
The chain that binds,
And the void in me,

I have no explanation,
The inability of making sense,
Illogical thoughts of the unknown,
Unable to interpret it,

The simplest explanation,
To at least helps,
Others to understand,
And for you to understand too,

It is hard because it feels like,
I lost someone that I have spent my whole life with.

Ally’s Thoughts: LiSA – unlasting

Hey everyone, for the rest of the year 2020, this will be my theme song.

This is a Japanese song by LiSA called ‘unlasting’. While the official video is available, The First Take version definitely hits me to the core and left me shaken. Subtitle is available and I hope you would enjoy it.

I want to say a lot of things about the song but… Why don’t you decide it for yourself? Enjoy!