NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo 2020
A daily life filled with white walls,
Without any spark of excitement,
Nor relaxation,
Or even a drop of inspiration,
A day I couldn’t ignore,
Brightening, brimming, blinding,
Numb and numbing,
Smirking snobby walls,
Such day like the drying stream,
As I closed and opened my eyes,
The white walls stands,
It is a reality, never a dream.
Hi everyone,
We are here, in December and leaving 2019. The truth is, it was a really rough year for me. Too rough and I still try to stabilize the aftermath.
I want to share it here because I know that there are more out there having bad times, worst than mine.
After working for almost 2 years in a good place, I started to feel depressed. Early 2019, I got myself diagnosed and referred to a psychiatric clinic. Now, I’m under medication and having a new job.
For those who are struggling with mental illness, I hope you found the courage to break out from the void and get some help. Then, the real battle starts there because wanting to feel good and ‘normal’ is ridiculously hard.
It is hard to find someone you can trust, to share the things you are experiencing right now. Find the right channel and you are not alone.
Now, I am into 10 months under medication and I am still far away being healthy. However, slowly I feel my motivation is coming back. As I was going through all these, I realized so many things about my situation. It opened my eyes and I hope you will find it in your journey too.
Thank you very much for reading and visiting my site. I am sorry for neglecting my WordPress community with less posts and less visiting your sites. I am ashamed but I really feel good whenever I return here.
Wishing you all the best in the year 2020. May all of you receive great blessing and find success in the things you want to achieve. Happy New Year!
I don’t know how to explain, Love,
A sweet four letter words,
With the ability to resonate,
Across barriers and borders,
As where I am now,
Been breathing and standing for years,
Walked in countless different paths,
And still understand nothing,
They said Love comes naturally,
From the parents to their children,
Continued to their partners,
Passed on to the next generation,
Where I couldn’t understand,
Both of them broke up,
Both of them are not in love,
All of them left me unconvinced,
Then the Trickster left me some letters,
How I can be somebody,
A trickster with tricks,
It lasted for a while with bad after tastes,
Next with a pure Angel in disguise,
Owned a throne in my desolate heart,
And left after a storm of pain and tears,
Along with shattered ruins,
I remembered well when Lust came,
Tempted me to a different world,
That I never knew exists,
Until it fades and turned everything grey,
Then Hope left me with commitment,
Being a devout in waiting,
Learn kindness and patience,
Through one sided rejections,
I was blown away by the Wind,
Trapped me in turbulence,
Left with the slow shivering blows,
And left my dwelling exposed,
Now, here I am,
Unsure where but lost for sure,
Again and again in a spiraling maelstrom,
Trapped in the high and low of tides,
Why I still stay,
All the way,
To pay.
I couldn’t say a word,
Yet my mind are screaming,
I couldn’t feel a thing,
Yet the cold crawls on my skin,
I couldn’t let a tear,
Yet this heart ache and bleed,
The only sign of frustration,
Is a surrendering sigh.
Some days are crazy,
Some days are lazy,
Some days are pity,
Some days are maybe,
As I looked up,
Or down,
To the high blue sky,
Or to the low green ground,
I am still confused,
Filled of uncertainty,
Even if the world does not depend on me,
I still cannot figure it out,
“Where to eat for lunch?”
Have you looked outside the window?
Maybe the door or the house?
Far away from the shadow,
When the time stopped you can’t browse,
Then tell me,
How could you see the fortunate,
Or the unfortunate,
When your eyes shut and you always late,
Silly, that you can’t figure it out,
Then you taunt for a bout,
You act strong like a stout,
But my punches keeps you knocked out,
No, I am not really angry,
Just letting off steam and spare energy,
Plus all these words and creativity,
I can’t store them personally,
Life is harsh and everyone else too,
So, think better on what you can do,
Banyak yang nak aku luah,
Dari dulu sampai kini tiba,
Ada yang kecil, besar, shallow dan deep jua,
Tentang isu manusia, kucing, panda dan buaya,
Dari A sampai Z tapi aku buntu pada siapa,
Yang nak dengar bukan manusia,
Yang dengar bukan makhluk bernyawa,
Daripada kabus ilusi aku jampi jadi nyata,
Tiada yang akan menikam aku dalam dunia,
Suaraku bisu mulut ku terkunci rapat,
Tapi suara minda ku bergema kuat,
Lama kelamaan bayangan jadi hakikat,
Dalam diam gelap jiwaku terikat.
