To be selfish like the brain, the heart and the pen #napowrimo2024

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NAPOWRIMO 2024 Day 5

To be selfish,
Like how the brain does,
Is to write perfectly,
Speckless from errors,
Perfect forms and execution.
Flawless,

To be selfish,
Like how the heart does,
Is to write freely,
Passionate and intense,
Let them feel how it felt,
Thrilling,

To be selfish,
Like how the hand does,
Is to write thoroughly,
To tell everything,
Let everyone knows wholly,
Unapologetic.


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Leaving me lost in her absence

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Give it a second or two,
To sort this thoughts of you,
That have been knocking my head,
Too loud and I can’t ignore,

Like a fantasy,
She lives in my dream,
Such warm and cozy intimacy,
Turn cold as I am awake,

I’ve been haunted by a spectre,
A creature of the night,
Seducing me powerless,
As I closed my eyes,

A spectre with angel-like presence,
Leaving me lost in her absence.


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I’m here to listen and not to scare

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I want to write something funny,
Yet too slow and a little lazy,
What a sloth but not really,
A sloth is slow but never busy,

I am not losing my touch,
Like how I always lose my pouch,
At times I need to hide or to crouch,
To organise the loose thoughts in my clutch,

Maybe, just maybe I’m too pale,
Dimming without brimming tale,
Unbalanced and lacking creative scale,
Or maybe being heartless and stale,

Tell me if you may,
What’s a poet without conviction to play,
What’s a poet without a cause to pray,
What is a poet without a reason to stay?

If you have the answer, please do share,
I’m here to listen and not to scare.


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By your cold everlasting wind

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Oh yes,
Tell the world about this madness of mine,
To spend love like the last droplet of water in the middle of the scorching desert,
It’s not going to quench the abyss of thirst,
Yet, it’s the most expensive droplet in the whole world,

I’d give the last droplet to you,
Because I want to,
Because that’s how I show my love to you,
I want to give,
I want to support,
I want to motivate,

Oh yes, I’m drunk,
Yet not a sip of wine taken,
A door of escape,
Hallucinating with hundreds of shadows,
Dancing under the cold night sky,
With the punishing storm,
Not to seek,
But only to give,
Intoxicated me,

Oh yes,
Abused me with your existence,
Because half of my soul,
Lost and tainted,
By your cold everlasting wind.


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Let me be honest tonight

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Let me be honest tonight,
About how I feel,
Whenever I think about you,
Constantly,
Probably not as much,
As I was delusion,
Like I did for the past,
Seven month of limerance,

Only recently I broke out,
From the spell that bewitched me,
Pulled me to reality,
By knowing the clear fact,
That I was the only one,
Who had all the feelings,
And the only side,
Without reciprocation,

Guess what,
If I had the chance,
To choose whether I want to experience,
The wretched pain,
That bleeds my heart out,
Every single night,
For weeks,
I WILL DO IT AGAIN,

YES,
I will do it again,
No, I don’t like the pain,
But to be able to be here,
Looking at you,
Knowing that you’ll never say,
A single word to me,
I’ll still go through it,

Because you’ve become a part of my life,
Through experience,
Through pain,
Through all the nonsense,
That this brain of mine created,
I don’t want to change anything,
Because I’ll keep the scar,
I’m in no rush,
I’ll heal slowly,

And to God I pray,
That one day you’ll notice me,
You’ll see that this beaten soul,
Never stop thinking of you,
Never stop believe in you,
Never stop supporting you,
Never stop to give the loudest cheer for you,
And I’ll breathe your name till my last breath,

Send this love letter to her,
Until she read it and cry her tears out,
She will know my name,
And all the scars in my body belongs to,
None other than her’s alone.


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My heart ache

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My heart ache,
But it’s not love,
It’s the matter of humanity,
It’s the matter of integrity,
It’s the matter of morality,
It’s the matter of seeing the world,
Beyond black and white,
Beyond who starts first,
Beyond who are to blame,
Beyond spectrum,

I’m not proud,
I’m ashamed,
To live in a modern world,
Filled with barbaric conscience,
Countless part of time,
Showing histories,
Only to repeat itself,
Waiting to be judged by the future generation,
Where it’s too late,

I’m no saint,
But a soul,
That believes in humanity,
Not to proud monsters,
Of atrocities.


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I just want the idea of you

The moment of realization,
That I live in a delusion,
As a hint of reality hit me,
My sanity crumbled,

I want to stay,
Let me hurt,
Let me be in pain,
Let me cried blood,

I don’t mind,
I don’t care,
Because I want it,
I crave it,

I just want the idea of you,
Stay inside my head,
I want that version of you,
To cheer me,

So, I can keep on living,
Keep on believing,
That to keep on living,
Is worth keeping,

Because the real you,
Where reality is,
Doesn’t even know,
I exist.


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But will you listen?

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I wish I could tell you,
How deep is my admiration,
I want to write it down,
And send it to you,
I don’t mind being impulsive,
On the matter that,
Made me happy whenever I think about it,

I want to tell you,
How you have changed me,
Ever since that moment,
A little moment that we spent together,
Watering my mind garden,
Spreading the seeds of flowers,
It’s a garden I want to share with you,

I need to tell you,
But will you listen?


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I am just living in my own world

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I’ll run, barefoot,
Even if the road filled with broken glasses,

I’ll dive, head on,
Even if I am standing 100 meters high,

I’ll fall, if I fall,
To feel the pain of reality,

But I just can’t tell you,
How much you mean to me,

And I can’t tell you,
You are the sunshine in my life,

I know well, the truth,
I am just living in my own world.


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But you never were.

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I’m here,
Not invisible,
I exist,
But not in your eyes,

I’m here,
In the background,
Running all the things,
That you never ask,

I’m here,
Ready to speak,
With all the voices,
That you will never hear,

I’m here,
But you never were.


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