How would I describe this feeling eating inside of me?

Photo by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on

How would I describe this feeling eating inside of me?
Would it be better if everything is plain and numb?
I experience too much and I feel too much,
But I’m just living like a human should be,

Every time I think about all the things eating me up,
I just want to slow down and lie down for the rest of my life,
What is this phase in my life that I have to go through?
I don’t believe that I still have the strength to go on,

My therapist said that I’m not alone,
Yet, this is too hard,
Yet, this is too tiring,
I can only say all these in lines,

As much as I have to admit,
I’ve been holding on to something called hope,
Why does this hope come with pain?
And all the struggle that came down with it?

There is no answer for me,
All I can do now is to let it be.


That no one will ever understand

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Listen closely,
To the beat of your own heart,
It tells a story,
That no one will ever understand,

Reach out to the sky,
But don’t count the times you fall,
What do you feel when you try,
That no one will ever understand,

Dance to the moment,
Even when the music is nothing but the wind,
As long as you are in the present,
That no one will ever understand.

I’ll break too

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Have you seen where you are?
Take a break and look back,
How far have you walked since then,

Did you see that?
The countless pits and holes,
You’ve stumbled and fallen before,

It’s okay to cry,
It’s alright to feel,
We can’t always be the strong ones,

I’m just like you,
When life is too hard,
I’ll break too.

Ally’s Thoughts: One Strong Lesson I Learned From Love Village (Ai No Sato) on Netflix

Hi friends and readers.

I completed watching a Japanese reality dating show on Netflix called Love Village or Ai No Sato. I did write about it in a previous entry. You can read about it below.

In my earlier post, one of the points that made me want to watch this is the age limit for the participants. They are around the age of 35 – 60 years old. Age truly shows the differences in terms of maturity and objectives compared to younger people.

One of the biggest lessons that I want to share from the show is the ability to understand what I want, what my person wants, and whether are we willing to grow together from there. All of us have our own preferences when it comes to a partner. While it may seem that it is the most important thing it may actually be something that is trivial. I like to see it this way, are we seeing the same values in life. That’s just the start.

The next part is about understanding each other and recognizing efforts. Things changed eventually when we are being honest and upfront. If things are unrequited it’s okay. At least no more stones are left unturned. That is to me being mature because we are not only dealing with our own feelings and emotions but their feeling as well. I do believe that no communication is also a form of communication. I’m the type of person who is having a hard time processing such kind of action.

It’s really assuring watching the participants being upfront with their feeling. I feel that it is a good example for me. I’m currently not really sorting out the things I want to say on this matter. I might end up reading this post again in the future and realize how silly it is. In a way, I feel like I’m writing this while being drunk. I hope you all will understand. Sorry in advance.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I hope you have a productive weekday!

It’s harmless except for myself

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I would love to write another word for you,
To tell you about all the things I did today,
Because we don’t talk like we used to,
And I really want to tell you how much I miss you,

The more I try to think about it,
The more I feel bad about it,
I feel like a creep and stupid,
For wanting the things I couldn’t do,

Maybe all I need is to take a break,
But I can’t stop thinking of you,
Let me just be drowning in it,
It’s harmless except for myself.

And a night I’m not sorry

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As midnight starts to rise,
I rise from my bed to dance,
An unholy dance of grace,
Only to the fallen soul of menace,

My hand moves in motion,
To feel the cold sensation,
As the wind scraps my passion,
As my hand raised for the moon,

My feet tap the floor in frenzy,
Jumping all around like I’m crazy,
It’s not crazy but an expressive merry,
And a night I’m not sorry.

It was never mine

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The universe was kind to me today,
It showed me a good sign,
That sent me to the deepest layer,
Of heartbreak and despair,

Mostly needed pain,
Waking me up from my dream,
With violence and brutality,
It was never mine.

My belief is that uncertainty

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My belief is that uncertainty,
Needs to be answered,
To be the truth,
To be certain,

Then, I realized that,
Uncertainty only lies,
On the eye of the person,
Who believe in uncertainty,

Like two people separated by a mountain,
Wondering what is on the other side,
Both can only see as far,
From where they are,

And this uncertainty to me,
Made me want to climb the mountain,
And see everything for myself,
Because that is the most common thing to do.