How would I describe this feeling eating inside of me?

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How would I describe this feeling eating inside of me?
Would it be better if everything is plain and numb?
I experience too much and I feel too much,
But I’m just living like a human should be,

Every time I think about all the things eating me up,
I just want to slow down and lie down for the rest of my life,
What is this phase in my life that I have to go through?
I don’t believe that I still have the strength to go on,

My therapist said that I’m not alone,
Yet, this is too hard,
Yet, this is too tiring,
I can only say all these in lines,

As much as I have to admit,
I’ve been holding on to something called hope,
Why does this hope come with pain?
And all the struggle that came down with it?

There is no answer for me,
All I can do now is to let it be.

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That no one will ever understand

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Listen closely,
To the beat of your own heart,
It tells a story,
That no one will ever understand,

Reach out to the sky,
But don’t count the times you fall,
What do you feel when you try,
That no one will ever understand,

Dance to the moment,
Even when the music is nothing but the wind,
As long as you are in the present,
That no one will ever understand.

I’ll break too

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Hey,
Have you seen where you are?
Take a break and look back,
How far have you walked since then,

Hey,
Did you see that?
The countless pits and holes,
You’ve stumbled and fallen before,

Hey,
It’s okay to cry,
It’s alright to feel,
We can’t always be the strong ones,

Hey,
I’m just like you,
When life is too hard,
I’ll break too.

It’s harmless except for myself

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I would love to write another word for you,
To tell you about all the things I did today,
Because we don’t talk like we used to,
And I really want to tell you how much I miss you,

The more I try to think about it,
The more I feel bad about it,
I feel like a creep and stupid,
For wanting the things I couldn’t do,

Maybe all I need is to take a break,
But I can’t stop thinking of you,
Let me just be drowning in it,
It’s harmless except for myself.

And a night I’m not sorry

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As midnight starts to rise,
I rise from my bed to dance,
An unholy dance of grace,
Only to the fallen soul of menace,

My hand moves in motion,
To feel the cold sensation,
As the wind scraps my passion,
As my hand raised for the moon,

My feet tap the floor in frenzy,
Jumping all around like I’m crazy,
It’s not crazy but an expressive merry,
And a night I’m not sorry.

It was never mine

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The universe was kind to me today,
It showed me a good sign,
That sent me to the deepest layer,
Of heartbreak and despair,

Mostly needed pain,
Waking me up from my dream,
With violence and brutality,
It was never mine.

Have you said something nice to yourself today?

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Have you said something nice to yourself today?
On how you managed to wake up,
You stepped outside the house,
And you noticed how blue the sky was,

You deserved a compliment to yourself,
You walked a path of yours alone,
You don’t have to wait for others,
Because you’ve been the first to be there, always.

My belief is that uncertainty

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My belief is that uncertainty,
Needs to be answered,
To be the truth,
To be certain,

Then, I realized that,
Uncertainty only lies,
On the eye of the person,
Who believe in uncertainty,

Like two people separated by a mountain,
Wondering what is on the other side,
Both can only see as far,
From where they are,

And this uncertainty to me,
Made me want to climb the mountain,
And see everything for myself,
Because that is the most common thing to do.

And some are the words you don’t want to hear

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Dear self,
No one knows the burden you carry inside you,
No one else understand how heavy and tiring it was,
No one else except you, yourself,

Dear self,
I know there are so many words,
You want to put out there,
And some are the words you don’t want to hear.

I’m still waiting for you

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Will you fall for me,
With all my stupid jokes,
Will you fall for me,
When all I have now is hope,

If you really will,
Let me tell you this,
I will always love you,
Be the last in your life too,

Even when the world is ending,
Even if your life is in ruin,
You’ll see me beside you,
Holding your hand to guide you,

If you really will,
You’ll never be alone,
If you call me,
I’ll be home,

Will you fall for me now,
I’m still waiting for you.